h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm trying to create a copywriting club. People send in ad ideas. Whoever makes the most interesting (ie: about politics, only British culture allowed to make it harder) Mine is:

It was a can of cat food. Grumpy Mrs. Gale had bought it for Tabby the cat. The cat food made Mrs. Gale so happy, she gave the food to Tabby. They ate it together.

That's not a particularly interesting bit of copy, and as an advert it's not brilliant either. Why does this cat food make Mrs. Gale happy? Why on Earth did she eat it? If it's so great, why share it with the cat?

I've a killer idea for an advert.

A vapid-looking male model with expensively-styled hair, around 25, walks around an achingly-trendy part of a British city (ie London) and pulls a packet of [edible product] out of his pocket. He picks out one of the [product]s and holds it between thumb and forefinger looking at it in a slightly-surprised way as if there's something remotely unusual or exceptional about it before popping it in his mouth and chewing it. As he chews he grins inanely and, with the help of some CGI, colourful cartoon characters start to appear around him (perhaps interacting with the scenery, knocking a drink from a tray held by a stuffy cafe waiter or surprising a twentysomething girl) in a feeble attempt to hint to the viewer's subconcious that eating this product is like some sort of drug trip. These fabulous images fade and so he take another of the [product] out of the bag and eats it again setting off more of the colourful characters causing him to grin smugly. We cut to a shot of the same young man further away and the picture goes slightly blurry as a large picture of the bag of [product] appears onscreen and maybe does a very quick dance to show how full of zaniness it is whilst voiceover man intones "[product] - packed full of fun!" Fin.

Can I have £200,000 now?

*holds out hands*

I've got one -

An ultrasound film of a foetus smoking a cigarette. The foetus relaxes with it's feet up and arms crossed behind it's head as it exhales.

"Marlbert & Hodges Junior - the gentle smoke"

Where do I get my cheque?

Marlbert and Hodges? I think you need to revise on your "Big Book of Tobacco Products" Nevertheless an intriguing title, with the bonus of avoiding copyright infringement.

I love adverts about meat. You know the kind, where all the animals are animated cartoons who look disconcertingly pleased that they will be able to provide you with rich protein goodness. Justifies my carnivorous convictions. Hmm cow cake.

I have another one.

Simon's new wristwatch was faulty. he could accidentally travel through time. He eventually met Napoleon Bonaparte, who decided to repair the watch. Eventually, Napoleon watches were sold. On sale now!

Mrs. Gale smells the cat food, and is attracted to the fish in it.

Here's one:

pretty Scottish lassie with thick-rimmed glasses (which you *know* she doesn't need for seeing) and wearing a white lab coat:

"Buy this stuff and you'll look young! Even if you're 54! It contains pro-makeusricher-A! And that's been proven by 3 people! *

"And it's expensive, so it must work!"

RF

* Sample size: 79

A squel to the JR Hartley Yellow Pages Ads, where Jr finally finds his book. he thanks the Yellow Pages, holds it, but is shot. Bulletholes go through the book.

Who shot JR?

Another one is an Allo Alo themed ad where Rene decides to send Michelle of the Resistance to steal the croissant recipe of a rival bakery. "I have it, but I'll say this only once." said Michelle.

"Yvette?" calls Rene.

"Von Linkenhoven loves our very own recipe." says Yvette.

Actually, that ad should have a follow-up line. "Artois Croissants, fresh and friendly."

One foot could put this shoe on, and run the world. One shoe could kick the ball, and win the World Cup. Spelt Shoes for sale! They'll change life, not sport!

One foot could put this shoe on, and run the world. One shoe could kick the ball, and win the World Cup. Spelt Shoes for sale! They'll change life, not sport!

Young Peter loves sailboats and opera music. Why not buy a gramophone-shaped boat that plays music. It could make wall-bound clay ducks spark alive.