h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was taught that champagne should fart, not pop. Apparently the trick is that as the cork finally works free, held back by the pressure of your thumb, you should tilt it. This creates a clear route for CO2 to escape and allows you to control it as it goes. The alternative is for it to try and rush out of the neck of the bottle, around the cork, in all directions at once - which would push the cork out harder than you can hold it and create an embarassing spillage.

The bubbly could still decide to fizz up of course, and frequently does. A silver (or even stainless steel) teaspoon should be dropped handle first into the bottle. The 'spoony' end is too big to fit so it stops the whole thing dropping in, and the explosion miraculously stops!

Stick the cork in your waist pocket, unless someone wants it as a souvenir.

To serve: Place one end of the towel at the 'back' of the bottle (opposite to the labe) and wind it 'up' at a diagonal angle so it crosses the label. Loop it around the 'back' of the bottle at the neck and down again on the opposite diagonal so it crosses itself. The end of the towel should reach around the bottle and finish up making the mirror image to the first.

Rotate the bottle so that it 'faces' you. It's now wrapped in immaculate white cloth, with the elegant little label on the neck just peeping out above it. Place the thumb of the rigt hand into the dimple on the bottom and secure the ends of the cloth with your fingers. Get a good grip.

Next, drizzle the good stuff down your partner's body and be ready lick it off.

If you're in a more formal setting you can now wield the bottle one-handed and hold the glass with your left.

Flute glasses are a lot better than the coup variety - they're easier to pour into, don't spill so easily, and the bubbles don't disappear so quickly. Remember that even minute traces of dishwasher detergent will kill the life in champagne instantly - and if it's a special occasion you may as well take the time to polish everything up in any case.

Now tilt the glass to about 45 degrees, touch the neck of the bottle to the glass and allow the champagne to flow gently in. If you just pour down into a vertical glass the bubbly may well explode over the top and dribble down your hand. Unlike still wines it isn't normal in a formal environment to have the gentleman taste before pouring for everyone. Just get on with it, but the host usually gets the last glass and retains posession of the bottle if there's any left.

Naturally the bottle is left in a silver ice bucket, on something that will catch the water condensing and running down the sides. Lay the cloth across the top of the bucket (still folded in four) and relace the rose or carnation that was there when you delivered it - unless someone has eaten it, of course.

It's a good idea to practise with an empty bottle a few times (unless you can afford to practise with Dom Perignon of course) so that you are confident and can serve the stuff with a bit of flair. Champagne's all about exuberance, and when you come to be pouring the drinks at that special occasion it's up to you to set the tone. Go for it!

Strag! This is an article in itself -- may I suggest 'Pouring Champagne'?

But a few things .. the glasses you called 'coup' ones are also known as 'Champagne Plates' and the host tries the wine .. not simply 'the man' ... finally, when you are right about the host being poured last... you forget to mention that the guest of honour .. if any is poured first .. then the oldest lady, proceding down throught he youngest .. then the oldest man .. and down, witht he host last of course.

Unless age is a sensitive issue .. .. then simply all the ladies left to right then all the men.

Ahhhh.. classy.

~Beeblefish

Aaarghhh! Don't call me 'strag'!

But yes, you are correct and I stand corrected. Apologies and thanks are in order, and duly tendered.

When I referred to 'the man' I was, as you probably well knew, referring to the customary chauvinism attendant to almost all romantic ritual. A lady friend of mine took me out to dinner last week, but the server nevertheless poured a smidgin of wine into my glass for me to taste. Then she poured a full glass for the lady before giving me mine.

Later she handed me the bill, which I handed to my host to the accompaniment of raised eyebrows.

Perhaps there should be a h2g2 non-sexist (non-assumptive?) guide to dining ettiquette?

SB

I always ask the lady to taste the wine whether I am paying or not.

It also annoys me that on family occasions the bill is usually passed to my father, even though I have booked the restaurant, arranged the meal and paid for it. So sexism is not the whole story.

Perhaps society needs to evolve some solution to this. I propose that the 'host' wears a red nose throughout the meal, thus signifying that not only are you rich enough to afford this but you're also rich enough not to have to take it seriously.

Or place a sign on the table stating that if the wrong person gets the bill there will be no tip - very effective in the USA, where anything less than 15% may cause your server to follow outside shouting obscenities. The more you think about it, the more amazing the amount of ritual and expected behaviour around food becomes. There's enough material here for an entire university project.
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But if you think this is bad you should see how people react when they see me riding behind my wife on her big yellow motorbike.

SB