h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I keep having vaguely disturbing dreams that seem to follow me slowly and surely throughout that day, popping up hazy little images in my mind when i least expect it. I wish i had the ferris bueller freeze frame, so i could just say stop and have a moment to think on it as it occurs.But you just can't ask them to stop in the real world, can you? I got a job today, I'm an environmental activist, how fitting is that? I shall be wandering neighborhoods trying to pilfer money out of people for things that they are AWARE OF BUT NOT THAT BOTHERED BY.

yes darling it's such a shame they're deforesting walruses in east timor. we simply must donate some money.
come on dear why don't you get some out of your frightfully expensive walrus-skin wallet. oh it must be in the jaguar or the merc.
sorry darling we simply don't have time to help you save the environment, we simply have to search for my husband's microscopic penis...

ofcourse, dahling its just about enough to make me ill. they'll buy high powered laser microscopes to find hubbies microscopic penis so that they may apply enlargement creams, pumps extenisve surgeries gone past the fanatic line, but dahling once again, they wont spare a goddamned cent for their own planet/environment/health/safety. Big corrupt f*****g nation of sleepwalkers. the only justice i hope for is the occasional escaped psychotic walrus that mauls them as they dream of money on spider silk sheets. one could only wish walruses were as twisted as humans.