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Some of my writing - looking for feedback

Post 1

Menthol Penguin - Currently revising/editing my book

I've recently started up another blog for my writing and I stuck a bit of my book on there. I've posted the whole of this chapter (and the prologue) online before but I've spent some time reworking it. There's only a bit of it up so far as I am still working through it.

Due to me being an idiot, I've ended up doing more work on chapter 1 than the prologue, so the prologue might be a bit worse. What do you mean working through it in a logical order makes sense? :P


http://the-writing-penguin.tumblr.com/post/93670764071/prologue - Prologue

http://the-writing-penguin.tumblr.com/post/93615305931/chapter-1-a-section-of-it - the first bit of chapter 1

There's also a game review on there, if you can stomach more of my battering on a keyboard!

http://the-writing-penguin.tumblr.com/post/93600616936/cosmonautica

I'm looking for feedback/criticism on it. Does it make sense, are there sentences that don't make sense, which grammar crimes am I committing? What things do I need to work on? etc etc

I expect there's more than a few grammar/spelling errors that I've missed.


Some of my writing - looking for feedback

Post 2

Menthol Penguin - Currently revising/editing my book

Got all of chapter 1 looked over for today, and the prologue. Links below.

Prologue - http://the-writing-penguin.tumblr.com/post/93670764071/prologue

All of chapter 1 - http://the-writing-penguin.tumblr.com/post/93694351201/chapter-1


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