h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Oh Zarquon!!"

*The Fish drops his 'broken' radio and whips out two high powered plasma pistols concealed about his person, before the guards can react he fires one into the fuel tank of the buggy which explodes killing everyone on board (and badly singing the Fishes eyebrows, at kills the rider of one of the bikes with the other. As the guards dive for cover he picks the bike up and speeds off towards the base, coat billowing in the wind MI:2 style.

"Get after him you fools!!"
yells the senior surviving guard.

*Pulling out his backup radio the Fish calls the Chiverton in an attempt to find out why in the Celestial Goldfish Bowl things have gone pear shaped*

"Fish to Chiverton, Fish to Chiverton, what the hell's going on guys!?!"

[OOC] Dispite the fact that those guards are currently in the base and their vehicles are already in the underground base, I'll play along.


[Guard on radio] Detonate bike appraching base

[Base]k

Gruff: Fish, get out of their. I repeat, get out of their now. We're nuking the damn place. And it makes me feel alive!

*The Fish lies wounded on the ground, he's sure his leg isn't supposed to bend that way!*

"I can't get out! They've got a psychic jammer remember! I'll need a physical EVAC or I'm fried fish!"

*suddenly 12 red dots appear all over fish. The snipers sent out earlier are ready.*
[Base intercom] If you surrender immediately you will be taken to a safe place during the blast, given medical attention and food. If you choose not to take this generous offer then whatever god you serve help you.

meanwhile the Star tank loops over the top as such an angle that almost every gun is within range of the Chiverton and releases everything its got (total...2 20mm exploding shell gatlin guns, 4 40 mm armor piercing shell gatlin guns, 4 plasma cannons, 4 laser cannons, and 2 heavy turbolasers)

also at this same time the three nukes impact the underbelly of the chiverton..

Gruff gazes through his Visual screen to see the Chiverton explode.
"Oh my..." he trails off.
The Chiverton breaks into several large chunks, which sail off into the void, trailing fuel. The expanding cloud of burning gas tat was the Warp Core disperses, bits of shrapnel tap the shields of the Space Station.
"The Chiverton sid estroyed, sir," says the cmmunications officer.
"I... I can..." Gruff grabs the officer and hurls him across he room, he puls out his blaster and fires two shots at the prone shape of the communications person. The man jerks and slumps to one side, two black holes in his chest. "I CAN SEE THAT YOU SON OF A POOR PERSON!"
A few security guards on the bridge glance aat one another and reach a unanimous decision.
They leap on Gruff, wrestle him to the ground, and take his blaster.
"You're under arrest, Gruff."
"Why?!"
"For mental instability," says a bright young leutenant called Bobson.
Bobson opens a com, "Mining base, we're caling off our missiles. We are calling off our missiles. We want a truce, we apologise for the inconvenience, but it seems our C.O went mad."
"It was that computer that didi it!!" screams Gruff. Someone stuns him.
"Eeerrrrgh..." graons the communicaions officer.
"Someone get him to the medical bay," Bobson says.
"Yes, sir," says a security officer.
The communications person is hauled off to Sickbay.
Bobson continues, "We're a police force, not a bloody army, we're not here to fight you."
Out in space, the nukes electronic systems shut down and the warhead is defused. A laser bolt fires from the space station causing the missiles to explode harmlessly.
"Our ships are withdrawing," says Bobson, on cue the Redruth, Camborne etc hyper out of the area.
Bits of the Chiverton float around dejectedly.
Bobson continues, "However, I would ask what you are doing here and to which Interglactic faction you belong and what you're long term goals are, there is no threat entailed, but we want to know whether yo have planning permits etc, and, you woe us, you blew up the Civerton. Please release Mr. Fish. Thank you. Bobson (new commander of space station) out."

[Yo]Open communications
[Com Officer] Aye

[Yo] This is Yo, of STUMPED. This ship is the Da'Kaja, a correllian class corvette. As to our intentions here, totatly unlinked to STUMPED, are to mine this planet for the resources it posesses. It has startling amounts of deposites of Dylithum and Tiberium, along with scattered pockes of titanium...I'm sure we can work out some sort of arrangement that would be benificial to the both of us...As to the loss of your ship, I deeply regret the loss of life and property and perhaps, if your commander hadn't lost his mind, it could have been averted........Perhaps, you and your command staff, could teleport over to my ship and we could discuss the details face to face...?....

Bobson: Why certainly, that is a very good idea indeed. Also, I have recieved a message from High command saying we are to open negotiations about whether we can start a mining base of our own. And, we wonder if you can help us with the bank robbery on Duffold. There is one last thing, due to unprecedented staff shortages, we wonder if you Yo, would lke to join, we also have room for your fleet. Consider it, I'll beam over in two posts with my staff.

*The 12 laser sights disappear off of fish.*
[Base intercom]Our apologies Mr. Fish, we are sending a medical truck out to get you and as soon as you are well enough you will be transported back to your ship. A medic truck arrived and Fish is loaded in. The truck heads back to the base. The defensed are already being dismantaled and the mining facilities and men are comming above ground....In space the defense nukes explode harmlessly.*

[Dienikes]This is the commander of the Persian Queen, the original freighter of Xerces. I shall also teleport to Yo's ship to engage in the talks. Also if you have urgent need of medics or any other staff persons Xerces has authorized your use the portian of his personal body guard present. (the elite army, of which 5,000 are present)

*The fighter return to their frieghters, except the ones whos freighter kamakasied, they move to form a sphere formation around Yo's corvet (whos name I never know how to spell.)*

[Yo] Ensign, take us within transporter range, weapons officer, lower sheilds, Admiral Yuri, have the conference room ready and asseble the command staff, also get in contact with the New Persia.... As to your offer of a position in your staff...this would be a problem, seeing as I am a member of STUMPED, and CFU6 is a good guy organization so far as I know......I will see you when you beam over, this is Yo, out.

Bobson: *beams over with staff*

*Dienikes teleports over wearing the customary uniform of the Persian Immortals. The Fighters tighten up around the corvette almost completely concealing it.*

*The Fish is now better and teleports back to the CFU6 ship*

Bobson: Well, we were just wondering whether we could borrow some men for an assault on the bank that we have neglected for the past couple of weeks?

[Yo] Have a seat now about this assault on the bank.... I am a businessman first and foremost, but I am also a supervillain.... For me to give you some forces for the attack I would have to be compensated in enough of a manor to off set the fact that I would be going against a fellow villian..... You see my predicament?......... Who's their leader?

[dienikes] "Yo does have a point, helping you fight against this bank robbery is against everything my leader, Xerces, believes in. Obviously these beliefs could be comprimised..."

Bobson: A group of terrorists from an organization called minotaur. The leader, well, I'm afraid that we do not have a lot pof information on them, but I believe they recently tried to destroy the Omegamatic. So, they are not your allies.
You would be compensated of course. We have terrible staff shortages but no shortage of resources.
I am willing to call a truce against STUMPED in this sector for the time being, but I can't help what my superiors will want to do later. I think they will find it unacceptable with a supervillain organziation. They may be lenient however, if you help us. Consider our offer. We will pay you...8 million universal creidts.

You say they tried to destroy the omegamatic? Most interesting....and 8 million credtis to boot, I'm in. What type of forces would you like?



This is for your eyes only, the current condition of the space fleet. There is already an enormus amount of space based firepower in this sector so I can't imagine we'd need more, as to personel, the crusier off our starboard bow has an assault team of around 500, coupled with Xerces's guard I'm sure there will be no problem. Assuming Xerces agrees to use them...