h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's also important to know your pies.
"Mince Pies" are eyes, but "Pork pies" (or "porkies" for short) are lies.
When talking to an East End lady, be sure you compliment her on the former rather than the latter.

There is one example of double rhyming slang:
"Bottle and Glass" (= Arse) was obviously a bit racy, so it is put at one remove with "Aristotle" = Bottle. This is then contracted again so that you say "Aris". Which is almost exactly what you started out trying not to say. Some secret language!

This can be convoluted further by calling it an "april".
April in paris=aris

While on the subject of April and Aris, a rather charming sexual euphemism is "going up the Gary".
If you engage in this activity, you may have trouble walking or sitting for a few days.
This is because Gary Glitter = sh****r!

The most famous example of compound cockney is "Me old cock", derived I cnnot remember how. All I remember is:

Cock Sparrow=Barrow
something something something something etc.
China Plate=Mate.

Can anybody fill in the Spinal Taps? I seem to remember this was quite a long one.

Cok sparrow rhymes with Marrow. Marrow is a littel used word in the south now but it is more used up north. It means mate or partner or the one that should be with this one. So you may see someone wandering round with a single sock looking for its marrow.

Another derogatory one here. Cobblers is a contraction of Cobblers Awls rhyming with balls. A cobbler's Awl was part of the tools of the cobblers (shoe menders) trade and was much better known then than it is now.

To call someone a Berk has become an almost friendly rebuke but the source, I have been told, is Berkley Hunt. I leave the rhyme for you to work out.

Ditto "Charlie" (Charlie Hunt) as in - "He's a proper charlie!"

Ditto Sir Anthony.

(Blunt)

Well i have one addition if u would like to hear it

Gypsies Kiss.......Piss..as in i'm going for a gypsies...after 5 pints!

While you're going for your Gypsies, don't leave your Ken Dodd on the Near and Far (Wad - wallet/cash and Bar, respectively). Now if you did leave it there you wouldn't have been using your loaf, would you? (Loaf of Bread - Head). Don't confuse that with Brown Bread (dead).
One final one for you, maybe if you're being stared at in the gents, that'll be because that geezers a ravin' iron, innit! (Iron hoof - poof). So now you know.