h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was at the psychologist again today. She again said she wished I would finish a university degree. Right now I only have a bunch of disconnected courses finished. She thinks I'm very smart and that having a degree would open doors for me.

Well ... I really don't want to study at a university again. I still have serious post traumatic stress about my attempts to study. I nearly died the time I was at the University of Pretoria. Subsequent attempts at studying brought back the horror. It is difficult to get 'normal' people to understand this, but *studying messes me up*.

I mean formal studies. On my own I read and learn all the time. But I do it according to my own schedule and following my own goals. When I am studying for a university course I have to do it according to other people's ideas. And those people don't really care at all about me or my wellbeing.

The problem is that typical university studies trigger my obsessions. In my normal life I know there are things I must avoid. Certain things just mess me up. I start obsessing and am unable to stop or control my thoughts. I become ridiculously overstated, mentally, and end up delusional or psychotic.

If I could control this I wouldn't have a problem. To be clear - I CAN control this. By myself, on my own. In my regular life I have a daily routine. I do my best not to expose me to things that can set me off, or to expose myself just minimally. I do my best to balance one thing with another thing. I do my best to keep myself calm and to limit stressors. Doing this I can function. MOST of the time I can function. There are still days when I have my hands full trying to talk myself down, trying to keep myself from wigging out, trying to remain calm. I know when I need to limit certain or all forms of stimulation.

I feel extremely afraid that any further attempt at university studies will overthrow the very delicate balance I managed to achieve over the last few years. So ... the danger is not just that I might fail in my studies, the danger is that I might die. Anything can set me off and cause me to become suicidal.

There is a reason why I am so extremely alienated. I don't like society and society doesn't like me. The 'world out there' is BAD for me. Other people trigger the most horrifying fears and obsessive waking-nightmares in me. I only expose myself to people I get along with VERY well. At a university I can't do this. Not even if it's a correspondence course. I still will have to deal with lecturers.

So anyways. There are many reasons why I do not want to try studying again. But if not ... how else can I 'open doors' for myself?

I am still trying to do this by becoming a writer. My psychologist feels I have many excellent ideas and as a writer I can give these to the world. I don't need to interact directly with my readers. Again I don't need to force my ideas on people who are reluctant to receive it. People who enjoy my writing will read it, people who don't can safely ignore it. So long as some people read it and can get something positive from it. But the problem is, I need a forum. Now ... I have a forum here ... but honestly, it's small. I get the idea only a handful of people ever see anything I write here, or my articles in The Post. And I don't get a cent for any of it. Now I am *not* greedy for money. I wish I could exist without it. But I can't. There are bills to pay ... and if I had actual money I'd do good things with it. I would use the minimum just to keep myself alive and use the rest towards good causes. One of the worst things about my current situation is how little I can help other people (or even non-people because I really want to do more to help animals and plants also). Just a little bit of actual money would make a big difference to my situation. How can I earn money with what I do? Regardless of money, how can I do more to get my writing and art 'out there' where it can actually make a positive difference? My psychologist feels that right now my talents are wasted ... how can I stop wasting them?

I don't know anything about the university system there, but is there a way to take remote classees?

It seems to me you might be able to do a great deal online. And you communicate brilliantly that way.

Willem, you are intelligent enough to be an autodidact and with the Internet there are enough free courses out there that do not have requirements that would jeopardize your sanity.

Check out http://www.openculture.com/freeonlinecourses, for some of the best courses from American prestiges schools and best profs. I think that there are degree programs from the distance learning programs in the UK and South African schools but those usually require money and having to socially interact with others which might be difficult for you.

I am not sure if there are community features associated with openculture so you could converse electronically with fellow students or the prof, should you feel comfortable with that.

Also on the site are Massive Open Online Courses that offer certificates (these might certification might require some money or you can at least get something that you participated.)
http://www.openculture.com/free_certificate_courses

In any case you might want to look into them.

Hi Dmitri and Elektra! Thanks, I'll check those out. But I've done some thinking and looking around. It seems there are opportunities for me to publish and sell articles online and actually get something for them. My psychologist's main concern was that I should get all these ideas and things I have out there on a forum where they could benefit other people *and* me. She was thinking in terms of studies and degrees to get me opportunities, but I see opportunities out there that I can get in a more direct way. What do you think? Dmitri, would it be all right if I reworked my Colours of Wildlife articles and publish them elsewhere for money?

Yes, it would.

Thanks! Well, I'm still researching. I don't know if I could sell Colours of Wildlife-style articles to a client ... but I've also been thinking of publishing my own e-books ...

That's very doable, I think.

There are also clients out there that want such information.

Have you ever thought about publishing an e-book Dmitri? I've an idea as a 'test' taking just a few of my Colours of Wildlife articles and selling them as a small book for a low price, just to test the waters.

Any idea what sorts of clients would like wildlife stuff and where I might find them?

This is a useful site for gigs and writers' guidelines (for if you want to write articles for magazines):

http://www.freelancewriting.com/guidelines/pages/Wildlife/

I don't have any ebook experience. When Pastey gets back from holidays, you should ask him. He's been doing it, I think - and he can give you tips.

I think you could make a list of all the wildlife santuaries, animal rehabilitation centers and ecotourist centers in Limpopo, and neighbouring provinces as well as zoos, botanical gardens and natural history museums in them. A lot of these places are likely to have gift shops and be looking to make presents to big donors ----these might be interested in using some of your images on merchandise----they would make lovely t-shirts and mugs as well as note cards.With regards to an e-book the guide entries are a little too mature for kids but anyone interested in the lease in local flora and fauna would be enthusiastic about them.

Is there any organization that helps with artistic small businesses in Limpopo? Here in the states we have the Small Business Administration but you need to have someone to work with who can give you advice on accounting and tax information. DON'T forget about those. You might also see whether you are eligible for grants for materials and such.

Here are some publishing leads for you:


African Writers Trust
www.africanwriterstrust.org/
Established in 2009, African Writers Trust is a non-profit entity which seeks to ... writing, publishing and marketing opportunities for African writers worldwide

Publish a Book With Penguin | Penguin Books South Africa
penguinbooks.co.za/get-published-penguin
Penguin Books South Africa has a local publishing division which produces between 40 and 50 new books a year for the South African trade market, in both English and ... LLC) which provides fee-based assistance to self-publishing writers.

www.europublishing.info/sabdetarchive/afrpubwritconf.htm
South Africa at £44.9m is more significant to UK publishers than Japan (9th ... But as far as other African markets go, they are of limited significance.

sawriters.org.za/
About us. The South African Writers' Circle encourages and assists all writers, new and experienced, and promotes the art of creative writing in general.

Hi Dmitri and Elektra! Thanks for all that, I'll follow those leads as I can, net access allowing. My social phobias work a bit against me when it comes to contacting people but I'll do my best.

I'll contact Pastey for sure! Anyone who has experience with ebooks can be a great help!

My art is going well right now, I don't have a shortage of commissions or opportunities to exhibit. But I need to make a breakthrough with my writing in some way ...

I'll certainly check those guys you mention Elektra, thanks again.