h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Allright, so I went to the psychiatrist yesterday. I was looking forward to it ... I had a bit of apprehension as well ... but I was thinking I'm doing something positive to try and get help. Which I think I need. So ... she only spoke with me for about ten minutes! I tried to cover a lot of territory ... but maybe too much! Maybe I was babbling incoherently. She said she thinks I have Asperger's syndrome! Now ... do any of you here think there's any chance of that? There are a few 'fits' ... I am socially awkward ... but only with many people. When I'm with one or two people and especially when I know them well, I get along great. I'm socially awkward because I don't like much of the nonsense people speak. I don't know what to say to people when they're being racist or other kinds of bigotry ... is that Asperger's or is that a lack of confidence to confront them or just me respecting them and realising nothing I say will change them?

Asperger's syndrome also feature 'restricted and repetitive interests and behaviour'. OK: so I repeat a lot. I might be painting six hours or more per day ... a lot of repetitive activity, except I paint something different each time. And I write, and I browse the 'net, and I lift weights, and I cultivate plants, and I read fiction and a lot of nonfiction ... are my interests really narrow, then?

Another symptom of Asperger's is atypical use of language. All right ... I think my use of language differs from that of most people, but am I doing anything *wrong*? You folks who read here will have an idea. When I speak I don't think I'm much different but I don't speak anywhere near as much as I write. When I speak I do listen to people and do try and say something relevant to what they're saying, I do try and look for angles to find what they are interested in so it's not just all from my side ... I hope. Here of course it is but it's because it's my own journal! I'm not good with nonverbal communication though. I suspect my face doesn't always match my words. I may sometimes speak too fast or too loud. But that is perhaps simply from lack of practice. I speak to people 'for real' so little. Any ability not practiced enough tends to atrophy. And my speaking little doesn't necessarily mean I have Asperger's ... social isolation can have many reasons.

I do feel, though, that I am being socially isolated and shunned for certain reasons, the primary one being because I'm not a Christian ... at least not of the kind most people here are. So because I have criticism of the churches I'm seen as godless and evil and people avoid me. But I can't compromise my principles or play pretend-pretend. I am not a bad person. My code of ethics is a heck of a lot stricter than most people's. But I don't fit in with most people's notions. So I don't fit in, period ... and I can't see how I could ever manage to fit in. But that's not Asperger's, is it?

Next Asperger's characteristics ... unusual sensory perceptions. Well, perhaps there ... my visual sense is very strong, and I am sensitive to stimuli as I had reported here. I'm not physically clumsy. I do find it difficult to describe my emotions ... but I've been doing so here, and I think I came across all right so far.

So ... I dunno, this doesn't sound right to me. I have another appointment in five weeks. I really hope I could speak with her more then.

Meanwhile she asked me to increase my dose of antipsychotics, and to go for some blood tests.

Also, while I belong to a medical fund, I don't have a medical fund card ... the doctor's office asked me to ask my medical fund for a proof that I am a member so I could email it to them ... my medical fund hasn't responded yet but have sent me a silly form email ... which makes me paranoid ... I want to speak with a real human being dammit!

I really wanted the visit to go well. I have a friend who is in a very bad way, suicidal and extremely miserable ... I wanted to have a really successful psychiatric visit that gave me hope for myself because then I could urge my friend to give psychiatry another chance as well. But now with this disappointment I can't do that ... and my friend sent me a really desperate letter this evening so I'm not feeling very good.

I'm sorry that visit was disappointing, Willem, but it's a start, anyway.

Actually, I think your doctor may be onto something, there - remember, Asperberger's and such is more of a spectrum than a precise diagnosis...I mean, it's not like a 'flu, with a single pathogen. They call them 'syndromes' because they're just collections of symptoms, as I understand it.

I'd say, keep trying for awhile. At least, you'll have someone to talk to about things.

And I'm sorry about your friend.

I'm off tomorrow for a few days holiday. I would just like to say ... it seems you were hoping for a solution immediately ... but things take time ... people take time to respond, have other things to do etc. So it seems going to see the psychiatrist was a disappointment. Yet the alternative was not to see a psychiatrist. If you hadn't have seen the psychiatrist you would have never gained the experience of meeting with a psychiatrist and would never know whether it was worth it or not.

Of course maybe it was expensive and you might think it was not worth the money ... and then that might be a valid reason for being disappointed. But ultimately money is just pieces of paper or bits of low cost metal, whereas your well being is ultimately more important. Sometimes you have to take risks and if those risks mean gaining new experiences no matter what the outcome, then maybe it's really no risk at all. Then again it was only your first meeting and often these things take many meetings to get to the bottom of things.

I suppose you did most of the talking in the meeting and she sat back and listened and then made a comment that she thinks you might have Asperger's Syndrome. She also recommended you increase your dose of antipsychotics (so her impression was that your psychosis was not being adequately controlled) and that you take blood tests (to provide her with more data on your health). I presume she recorded your meeting or maybe took notes of what was discussed for future reference. Presumably you have also been registered with her and she now has a file with your name ... all these things would use up her time outside of the meeting ... maybe that's why the first meeting appeared short (?).

I don't really know of course what happened. I am only responded to your comment but it seems to me you have been maybe overly negative to the experience whereas to me it seems like a possibly normal meeting.

ps The one advantage a psychiatrist has is that they have seen maybe thousands of people many with similar conditions. They have also spent many years studying it at university (I assume). So one thing to consider is do you believe she is learned in psychiatry.

I'm off for a few days but found some reading material regarding Aspergers & Schizophrenia which may or may not be useful:
http://www.mugsy.org/wing2.htm

From that article

"Adults with Asperger syndrome may be diagnosed as suffering from schizophrenia. The differential diagnosis of schizophrenia has been discussed elsewhere (J.K.Wing, 1978). The main difficulty arises from the fact that schizophrenia has been defined loosely by some and strictly by other workers.


If a loose definition of schizophrenia is accepted, based only on characteristics such as social withdrawal and speech disorder, then a case could perhaps be made for including Asperger syndrome in this group. As with schizoid personality, the question is whether doing so has any advantages. Poverty of social interaction and abnormalities of speech can have many different causes, so the diagnosis of chronic or simple schizophrenia tends to cover a variety of conditions having little in common with each other.
"

I also think it's a good start. And it sounds like she said "it might be" rather than "you absolutely have". And she doesn't rule out the antipsychotic medication.

Nothing will be resolved in a single meeting when it comes to mental issues, I believe, so have faith in the process and let it take time.

About the insurance card, I understand that it's frustrating to get a form to fill when you want to speak to a person. But they probably have to process lots and lots of cases, and if they have all the available facts to start with, it's probably easier to get a hold of a person once they see what's missing and confused. Don't worry about this first step, it's not the end of getting the card sorted.

Another thing that struck me, is that a psychiatrist will be more focused on the "chemistry" part of the illness, and a psychologist more on the "experience" part. The psychologist probably would try to find the most efficient therapy in form of talks - be it classic psychoanalysis or cognitive behaviour therapy or whatever, while the psychiatrist will want to find the medication that helps the best. A combination of the best of both would probably be good. But if you can't have both, do the best with what you get.

You are taking steps to improve your situation, and this is wonderful news.

Willem, well done for taking that first step and please don't be disheartened. I have a feeling her comment may just be an observation based on what she saw and heard, and strangely my friend is due to be tested for Asperger's because he shows some of the signs, though not all

Some are similar to you, but the condition varies greatly in degree. They see many people and maybe recognise signs that are not apparent to you. It is much like someone recognising dementia when they have seen it before, yet other people might not till a later stage.

It is nothing to be ashamed of and if there is a chance it will access more help for you or at least give you some support it is worth pursuing.

You know, most people have difficulty coping with, or understanding, someone who is 'different' in whatever way, and it seems you do not spend enough time with people for them to get to know you well and understand you better.

A complex person such as you needs more time to get to know people and for them to get to know you, and probably you would find those feelings disappear. If a person appears a little withdrawn or not in tune with other people, most people are afraid to probe or try to get closer.

with the next appointment, and please try to see it as something positive which might help.

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