h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.h2g2.com/A510364
How about this as a discussion of one of Glasgow's favourite nightspots? Please I need opinions.

Hi mynameisomar,

Thanks for nominating your article. It's a good subject, great local colour, and I love the way you've managed to catch the flavour as well as the fact of what goes on. Overall, a good first draft.

The main niggle you'll get from all the Scouts is your use of the first person: in a review like this which claims to be about the place in general (rather than one specific gig), you have to try to put it in "the voice of the Guide" and hide yourself out of sight.

The second thing is, you may have noticed that since h2g2 came back, they've started cracking down on swearing - which includes mangled but recognisable forms of swear words. If you can convey the mayhem of a raucous gig without using them, it'll make your article easier to recommend.

Finally, although the Subs will sort out your spelling/grammar, some things (like using you're instead of your in the first paragraph) can confuse your meaning and lead to people thinking less well of your article. It would be good to fix that up too.

Overall, though, it's got enough promise that I hope you can do a second draft and make it so good we *have* to recommend it!

Cheers,

GVI

Hello Global!

Cheers for the review, whaddya think about the new edit?

Hi mynameisomar, I read your entry, I liked it, and I think you should only do 2 things:
1. Move it into guide ML format, and get headers and subheaders.
2. Rearrange it this way, that you'll begin with an introduction to the place, then main events, and the some ending or conclusion.
All in all- a very nice work!
Elly

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'Peer Review Sin Bin' to 'The Barrowlands Ballroom: Glasgow'.

Back to Entry - became Edited Entry A545627 The Barrowlands Ballroom, Glasgow, UK