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GTBacchus Posted May 11, 2001
oh, yes, I definitely agree. don't you agree? no, not at all.
mos def
kierkegaardvark = kierkegaardwolf [1+6+6+5+6*4 = 42] Posted Oct 3, 2002
oh most definitely. um, concerning whatever it was we were or weren't talking about, that is...
Anyhow, check it:
I've wondered lately why I'm such a social retard, while everyone else seems to get by alright. Here are two answers (although I'm sure there are more):
(1) This is the obvious one, i.e. everyone's *not* getting by alright. Everyone struggles to a greater or lesser degree to feel like they belong. So get over yourself, Jones, you solipsistic butter monkey!
(2) But here's where it gets interesting: one of the "Desert Fathers" said that becoming a Christian (or more specifically, a monk) is an act of giving yourself to God. Therefore, when you leave the fold, you're taking what's not yours anymore. You're *stealing* from God. It's not only stealing, it's also adultery (!), which is really a type of theft anyway. When you cheat on your spouse, you're stealing yourself from them. (In this sense, I really was guilty of theft during that summer with Caley, and I didn't even know it!) When you leave the fold (e.g., the monastery or Christianity in general), you the bride of Christ are cheating on or divorcing him. Of course, this only applies to those who have made a conscious effort to give themselves in their entirety over to God. As far as I can tell, this is tantamount to being deflowered by God--or at least being engaged to Him. Sure, ordination is the public marriage ritual, but trying to give oneself to God is a very private agreement between two lovers. What's my point? Hey, calm down there, sailor. Here, have a nice cool iced tea, and take a load off. Ok, where was I? Ah!, that's right: Whenever I take my will back, it's like harboring adulterous thoughts--like being lost in an all-consuming adulterous fantasy. No wonder I am awkward with people; in almost every interaction I have, I might as well be fully erect and naked from the waist down! If most folks are as awkward with each other as I am (which is an assumption, I know), maybe this is because I'm already taken. Others still have a right to the singles scene. I only mean "singles scene" in spiritually metaphorical sense (so this soul walks into a bar... ). Even if I *do* find a girl/guy/gorilla and settle down, that's cool, but it *can't* be my will. No matter how lost I get in my adulterous dream world, I am still beholden to God.
mos def
GTBacchus Posted Oct 6, 2002
Seriously though, I'll be back in the US (back in the US, back in the USSR!) with my mobile phone (it's full of silicon chips) on Monday night, and I'll call your white ass.
sloppy lovins,
GTB (That's my NAME here!)
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