h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or are men (sorry to generalise, but if this doesn't apply to you, feel free to let me know how you differ!) spectacularly incapable of being honest, open and tactful? I know so many men (and another apology: probably women too, but this is MY journal and MY experience!) who make overblown gestures that are insincere because they dont know how else to 'fix' something.

nine times out of ten it's a pointless gesture because what's broken needs acknowledging, not fixing. but the truth, facing up to it and dealing with it directly, is too hard.

Because walking away with a bitter and twisted view (because your pointless gesture has been rejected, because it didnt actually address the issue) of the person who you couldn't actually ork things out with (for better or worse) is a better option?

hm.

Have you read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
The answer is there, why men feel they have to fix a woman's complaint when all she wants is an ear to listen.

hm, I guess I dont want to know why, I want to know why they cant get over it.

Also, it's not just about us being heard, it's about getting som sincere and relevant communication FROM them!

Just this Canuck guy's opinion, but yeah, ... Atleast half the men I work with feel they have to fix problems, not address why they happened. That goes with roof leaks, electrical, and with the missus. I don't know why. I've always been a bit cold and logical, analytical ... It maybe explains why I get on so well with anything electronic that gets shoved in front of me to fix. RADAR? Radio? Computer? Telecom? No problem, I'll fix it.

In brief(er), I fix problems, but I do look for the root cause too. And that goes with my missus, my daughter, her small tribe ...

You see so clearly in how to pin point those needles, Robyn, they can blooming well smart. Tracers work both ways, remember, the initial defensive reaction is invariably an instinctive response. Wait for a more reasoned response, if any

?

Short answer - Yes, but not always in the right order at the right time.

Stating the obvious - Men and women are different both genetically and in upbringing. However, there are as many differences between people of the same sex.

Same sex relationships are usually based on things in common and therefore feel more comfortable - between the sexes is far more complex and often leads to uncomfortable situations - sex also tends to get in the way.

All sorts of issues come into play. Even to the point that we actively seek out relationships which can not work long term. Often it is not our fault - family stuff, but once recognised we can take resposibility and start to do something about it - difficult though that is.

PS. I'm no expert and have got wrong too often. it is all work in progress.

I'm afraid it's a fact of life - my son is already showing these 'fixing' techniques when all I want is a bit of a rant. I'm trying to teach him but is falling on deaf ears.

Yeah, it's you Robyn. Tant pis.

Pis to you too norti

Hm... it just seems so logical to think about things and respond in the most efficient and planned way (i.e. figure out what response is warranted and go for broke) rather than just making something up, imbue it with spurious meaning and over-compensate cos you know you're missing the point...

Meh, boys are smelly and made of poo

(I wont say what women are, we're probably worse...)

Good to have the ol Robyn we all love and respect back around. If it helps - pronounced "Tawn Pee" couple with a suitable gallic shrug

No, really? Wow! Thanks Norti!



How can I ever repay you?





I have a new poem, I'll post it later, I wrote it while unplugged from the world yesterday... (our network at work was down yesterday and with 80% of my work being done over our computer network system one way or another, it was pretty damn DULL)

Share your poetry with everyone, as you do when you're happy and drop by with an email when your not.

Sometimes is the answer to everything

Oh, it's sharp

it's written down at home, I've not converted it to binary yet

For some a gesture is starting place not the end.

I understand that, but if it's wildly inappropriate or feels inisincere, you're still likely to reject it in the spirit of 'try harder, go and *think* about it and come back' rather than 'I dont want your help'.

I mean, if I'm in a position to explain why it's not appropriate or I dont believe it, I'm probably not feelng so bad I need it anyway.

Being with a chap (actually, more than one...) who needed me to explain to him and help him do *everything*, from how to buy me a present to how to just GIVE ME A HUG IF I'M UPSET *THEN* ask me what's up, instead of making me a cup of tea then looking uncomfortable and sulking if I try to go and be alone (because I'm already upset and you looking at me like that is NOT helping!) has shortened my patience with people who cant use their brains.

I mean, you can tell when a person is a) putting in 100% effort but not thinking and b) putting in 20% effort but has actually thought about it and is therefore already on a win!

I guess the tip, from me is this: Dont be scared, , dont flail wildly in the hope you'll get it right eventually, dont sulk and hate them for making you feel like this, wonder what you would want in that position, then translate that to the personality of the person you're trying to communicate with! Even if it's a miss, not a hit, you've bothered to think!