h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lessons learned from the semester . . .
It's occurred to me recently that I'm simultaneously in very privileged and dangerous positions: unlike most people who are inter/postdisciplinary, I know before I've gone out and gotten all my training that I probably won't find any one intellectual "home." I have a lot of potential either to destroy myself and get very little education by being too generalist and/or taking on more than I can handle, or to get a very good broad liberal arts education and become a creative scholar/curator. Maybe the way to solve the problem of having difficulty focusing is simply not to. I need to keep in mind that I need to prolong the amount of time my education is fully paid for and find a balance between taking a lot of classes to broaden myself and doing well enough to get fellowships/scholarships that will further prolong my ability to learn interesting things which I can later use before I have to get a job.
I need to be a full-time student: I need to create a quiet, distraction-free (sacred) space, emotionally and physically, in which to live and work, and not try to be everything to everyone. I need to fully commit myself at this point to learning, realize that I don’t have to learn everything immediately, and dedicate most of my time to studying–even if something doesn’t seem immediately useful. Essentially, I need to follow the model of a graduate student rather than a undergraduate if I hope to become a serious scholar. I need to realize that unlike most people, I can’t handle noise, late hours, all-nighters, and generally pull off things half-assedly–no matter how bright I am. I have to have an emotional balance, and that may mean being somewhat reclusive. I’ve heard variants on the same thing from many wiser people, but it took a while to sink in: Ina’s take care of yourself, Dr. Blackburn’s scholarly asceticism, Margaret’s write down the things that are really important, Dr. Matsen’s suggestion that maybe the nuns had the right idea, and even from my parents. I do need to play and to socialize with people–helps get me out of my angsty tendencies–but I need to accept that the ways in which I play may be very different from the ways in which others play, and that the people I socialize with may be much older. It’s okay that hanging a show in the gallery is play; it’s okay that reading a novel is play; it’s okay that going to a colloquium is play. But it’s also okay that going salsa dancing is play; going to Cool Beans is play; going to the Nick is play. I need to not worry about a relationship. I need to not be drawn into following any particular school of thought or religion. Here is a good place for now: I’ve created a network of people who care about me and throughly mapped the place for myself. Although I can’t learn everything I want to learn at this university, that’s true of any school, and I need to focus on learning what I can here, and then finding a place that might be more hospitable for graduate work.

Specific steps to reach these goals
This semester: buy earplugs; go to bed and get up at reasonable hours; attend all classes; block out times for study (at the library), times for the mundane, and times for play; eat three meals a day; take your medicine regularly and get your allergy shots regularly; do not work at all until the semester is over; only check your e-mail once when you arrive in your room each time; only surf the net just before bed and limit yourself to an hour
Break: work a lot as long as you enjoy it; and when you don’t work, study things you don’t know much about; write; don’t fight with your parents; do reading in advance for spring classes
Spring: try to move to Horseshoe Apartments. Otherwise, make it clear to Leigh what kind of environment you want to create. See a therapist on a regular basis. Don’t work much. Money will take care of itself. Consider dropping a class. Continue goals for this semester and break.
Overall: Don’t narrow your focus. Don’t worry and especially don’t let worries take over your life. If you focus on your academic development and pursue a few things to be well-rounded, money for grad school and study abroad will come your way. Academic judgements are natural to you. Social/emotional ones aren’t. You do need to learn how to drive, but taking off Summer I is not the way to do it. Be independent from your parents, but don’t take that need to extremes. What do I know about myself?
I don’t know exactly what I want to do.
I need to be in an institution like academia, a museum, etc. where people care a great deal about each other and about their work and about culture/scholarly issues/advocacy etc. and where time is very cyclical, but without the pressures of the corporate world.
I am blessed or cursed with being inter/postdisciplinary.
My outlook is theoretical, feminist, “catholic,” analytical/critical, independent, and integrative.
I am desperately hungry for knowledge.
It’s difficult for me to focus.
I’m not an art historian. I’m not an anthropologist.
I tend to take on too much.
I tend to scare/alienate people.
I tend to be too intense/emotional.

Today is Thanksgiving. I give thanks; I’ve learned something this semester. I don’t know if I believe in God; I think I do believe in ecofeminism and spirituality fundamentally (not in their flakier forms). But I do believe that things happen for a reason, and that this semester has been important and everything I’ve done has been–and that this realization and its timing are not accidental.

Kathy

* speechless! *
You've got some good points there!!!

(I, on the other side, can't get myself to bed. But I have to now! It's 6:15AM and I have to go work at 1PM. I better try to get some sleep instead of giving some unwise replies! See you!)

Thank you . . . yeah, I am with you there. I am at home for break right now and my mother will wake me at eight, no doubt.

Kathy

Wow, if only i had put your methods into practice when I was at college, I might be a happier person all round
Not that i'm terribly unhappy, but things could be better.
But I shall bear in mind, your sentiments as I strive to get myself a new job
J.

The challenge for me is going to be putting them into practice now while I'm at college!

Kathy

Indeed
Did you get my email, re your plea at the atelier?
J.

yes--sorry, I was out of my room for a bit, about 12 to 2 my time (where are you?) --Kathy

I am trying to work it out.
I am UK. Scotland, Edinburgh. GMT. So i am assuming you are about 4 hours or so behind me. Currently 9pm GMT, so I assume it is 5pm EST for you?

Now it is 9:30 PM EST. That means 1:30 AM your time . . . so I'm not surprised you are not on. Oh well, give me an e-mail or my AIM name is museum freak, but you pretty much have to tell me to be on or I won't be. I'm headed to the library to study, so I won't be on for a while. Tell me when you tend to be on--I'm a college student, so I can be a bit flexible. Good luck with everything, and I will respond in more detail to your e-mail soon. I heard from her today. More about that in e-mail.

Kathy

Hope all is ok. I work shifts, hence not being around much from one week to the next, will email you details later
~Big huggles~
J