h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*a blinding white light fills the office. everyone present is forced to avert his eyes. when the light finally abates, one blonde sea in black leather is seen sitting behind one of the two desks*

[sea] *looks around* WHAT am i going to do with all this furniture?!

*sea, who is still pondering the problem of the furniture as well as the existence of the strangely silent men in her office, is busy planning her family reunion- which should be interesting as she is child number 12 of 13, and her parents have 12 siblings as well (it's a tradition in the black family) naturally some of these may not be arriving, since sea only has 15 rooms for them to stay in*

*sea finishes her final guest list:

room 1: elvira and lucifer
2: evillene
3: angelus
4: shodan (aka dan- brother)
5: smith (brother)
6: kerrigan (sister)
7: sephiroth (aka seth- brother)
8: emma (aunt, sister of lucifer)
9: jack (uncle, brother of elvira)
10: gabriel (uncle, brother of elvira)

naturally, some family members are not invited due to fallings-out, deaths, etc.

*sea grins as she thinks of the ingenius plan to kill the "rebel" angel as she hands her list to helmsley so that he can make the preparations*

for my own sanity, i believe red and NYC are still standing in the office, however, as they have not spoken in quite some time, i will go on pretending that a) they aren't here, or b) i've forgotten that they are here

*sea and evillene enter. they seem to have been arguing in another forum*

[evillene] use the ring for the last time to let me out of that crib!

[sea] and what if we ALL get imprisoned in one together, and CHOPPERS tries to arrest us all?

*evillene is silent*

[sea] you see? i need to save it, unless of course you can figure out how to change the technology so it can be used infinitely...

[evillene] *grudgingly* i'll have a look.

[sea] good. i'll have the scientists down at the lab help you. and before you go getting any cute ideas, they'll all be issued infrared goggles.

*evillene glares at her, then exits*

*sea begins to work on a plan to use against stephanie and tusk*

*evillene kicks in the door to sea's office and comes in*

[evillene] sea, I need to talk to you.

*sea looks mildly surprised both at seeing evillene in her castle and what evillene just said*

[sea] i didn't know you knew this place existed.

[evillene] oh, please. you think i'm blind?

[sea] i think you're quickly wearing out your welcome. What was it you wanted?

[evillene] hades just proposed to me.

*silence*

[sea] wait, back up for a moment. who?

[evillene] hades. he's new around here, has a sister named eden. they're vampires, they want to take over the universe, so they contacted me because of my supernova bomb. hades wants me to marry him and rule the universe at his side-

[sea] stop! Supernova bomb? when'd you get a supernova bomb?

[evillene] i... bought it at a yard sale in krikkit.

[sea] WHAT?! when'd you go to krikkit?!

[evillene] what, you think you're the only personality that has a life?

*sea glares at her*

[evillene] i went while you were in that bandwagon thing.

[sea] i see. and this guy wants to marry you?

[evillene] *groans* yes! and i don't know what to do! there's kudos and there's... well, there's the fact that he eats people to survive, and then my invisibility... it doesn't make for the most pleasant of marriages! but if we /do/ take over the universe, i'm guaranteed rule as his wife. i'll be able to do whatever i want...

*evillene has begun to get a very queer look on her face, and it makes sea very nervous*

[sea] evillene...

[evillene] i can have everything i desire. i'll have a palace. i'll have /ten/ palaces! and i'll have you killed!

*sea – who is now /extremely/ nervous - stands up and gets behind her chair for added protection*

[sea] evillene?

[evillene] i'll do it. i'll marry him.

*evillene turns and exits the office*

*sea goes pale*

[sea] oh, this is NOT good. this is VERY not good.

*sea sits back down in her chair and bangs her head on her desk. without lifting her head, she picks up her phone and dials helmsley*

[sea] helmsley, dear? evillene is no longer allowed within 500 yards of the house. enforced perimeter. hire 500 extra guards to patrol it, call my bodyguards, and be on the lookout for this hades character too. i authorize the use of deadly force. and see about buying a small cottage somewhere nondescript, under a false name. yes, dear, it's very serious. yes, hazard pay for all. thank you.

*she hangs up the phone and groans*

[sea] help us...

Should I bother reading backlog in this thread? Or shall I assume that it has run its course?

*sea lifts her head from the desk*

[sea] oh, my life is over, but that's nothing new. evillene wants me dead. same old story.

*sea comes around the desk and shakes red's hand*

[sea] so how have you been, red? it's good to see you.

Oh, you know, little of this, little of that. Imprisoned by those fools from CLI.

[sea] ah, yes... fortunately i have never been subjected to that, yet. you never know.

I'm thinking of sueing for false imprissonment. There was no trial and no due process of law.

[sea] *tisks* that affy.. who DOES he think he is? you should, you know. you could take it to the h2g2 kangaroo court... but it's probably in your best interests to hold it elsewhere - you know, less moral grounds.

I was thinking a court of STUMPED. Not sure who would be the judge, or who we'd appoint in Affy's defense. I may have to do the prossecuting myself.