h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*two seas enter- one white, one black. they sit at the desk and begin to make a list of the duties split between the two*

*after... um... 15 minutes of arguing, they come to an agreement:

If white breaks it, black asks if white wants it fixed, then fixes it if white wants it fixed.

If black breaks it, white fixes it if she thinks it should be fixed.

If white fixes it, black may or may not break it.
If black breaks it, and white fixes it a second time, black leaves it alone.

If black fixes it, white will give black a dirty look, but leave it alone- unless white REALLY wants it broken.
If white breaks it a second time, black will look at white funny, and leave it alone.


the two seas look at each other, smile, shake hands, and leave*

*the seas re-enter and sit at the desk. they squabble for a few moments, then conjure another desk. upon reflection, they duplicate all the furniture in the room to suit their duality*

*NYC enters the office with an armload of expensive-looking and brand new weaponry, drops it in a pile, and notes the identical-yet-opposite decor begotten by the seas' rivalry*

[NYC] hello.

[both seas simultaneously] hello...

[white sea] hey! he was talking to ME! don't you copy me!

[black sea] I think you're mistaken, he was obviously referring to ME!you want some of this? I'll kick your ass!

[white sea] oh yeah? you and what army?

[black sea] me and THIS army!

*the seas start fighting each other*

[NYC] did you two ever think of getting seperate offices?

[both seas] shaddup, you're not in this!

*the seas continue fighting*

~Red enters and fires an old fashioned (Circa late 1700's) pistol into the air. The fighting stops, and a little bit of plaster from the ceiling falls down on top of NYC's head~

Ladies, fighting amongst yourself will not solve anything. The person you both really want to fight is obviously NYC.

*helmsley raps gently on the door and sticks his head in*

[helmsley] Maddam, that lafinass fellow is here with a few unsavory charactors.

*lafinass gives the butler a dirty look*

[helmsley] The Maddam shall be with you when her current business is complete. Wait here, oh and don't touch anything?

[white sea] oh dear... terribly sorry.

[black sea] *mutters to white* we'll finish this later.

[white sea] *mutters to black* bring it on.

*both seas smile sweetly*

[black] let's sea... er, see. can we help you gentlemen?

[white] *moves to door* lafinass, if you would like, you may wait in here. helmsley doesn't seem to like you much.

[sea-kindergarten-teacher's voice] can't say i blame him!!!

*black and white sea look at each other, wide eyed*

[black] i'd forgotten about her.

[white] we'll fix her later. we have gentlemen callers to attend to.

*the seas notice the three men staring at them, and they blush*

Hello ... ahem .....

[white sea] *thankful for the diversion* aah, yowuzupman. welcome. what can we help you with?

I'd like to check out your Labs, Someone on the ULF communication circit hinted that you where making progress with a new form of anti-matter, the kind that I would be very interested aquiring for a new project I am working on.....

[white sea] be our guest.

[black sea] we expect a small cut of the profits. 1% at the most.

[white] sea!

[black] *shrugs* what?! we have to make money SOMEHOW...

[white] sea, we make our money with-

*the seas glance at the other people in the room*

[seas] er... yeah. go ahead, yo. make yourself at home.

thank you, that will be most excellent.......

*NYC can't help but wonder where the seas get their funding*

~The Masque can't help but wonder what source of funding could possibly be too shady to mention in the present company~

*Lafinass casts a hard gaze upon the other two 'gentlemen'. Their funding is surely none of your business. Turns back to the seas and knuckles his shoulder in salute.*

[lafinass] my queen... err, ummmm..... queens may i present to you Overseer Acolyte Lay 'Nes, Arms-Master for the Acolyte Warrior Caste. And Overseer Acolyte Xal, MageLord of the Magi Caste and Second Chair of The Magi of The Blind Eye.

*Lay 'Nes is bound in a strange reflective material that seems to avoid the eye. As he bows the reflection of various metalic objects can be seen. Xal's robe is similar to lafinass's black cloak except that the silver wyverns only extend to the elbow. The blood stone in his forhead also has more of a bluish hue than that of Lafinass. Both knuckle their shoulders in salute to their queen.*

[Lay 'Nes] My queen, the warrior caste feels you lack the adiquate guard your position demands. These four are my best assasins and shall be with you at all times.

*All those assembled glance around curiously.*

[white sea] What four?

[Lay 'Nes] Oh, Pardon my rudeness. Ech'te Val!

*A sudden movement behind him reveals the shadowy forms of four men, that crisply knuckle their shoulders in salute. They stand still once more and it becomes difficult to look directly at them.*

[Xal] I apologize for the confusion my queen. The fabric is a polymer woven of Hind's hair and then grafted to their skin. Your eyes will not focus on them unless they want it, of course your mind will adjust to their presence eventually. Once that happens you should be able to tell where they are at all times. Or I can expediate the process.

[seas] Please do. *they glare at each other*

*Xal removes a small amulet from his cloak and speaks a brief incantation. The seas jump suddenly.*

[white sea] I can feel them in my mind.

[Xal] Yes, you will feel their emotions, their pain, and will be able to hear their thoughts. Oh, they are mute, so don't expect a verbal response.

[Lay 'Nes] They are yours my queen. They will respond to your commands, simply address them as Tal'Sea.

{{{{Note: Tal'Shi is an archaic language long since dead that roughly translates to 'shadow guard'}}}

[NYC] Not to sound rude, but what use are they?

[lafinass] They are essential.

[Xal] Yes, all six of their senses have been enhanced. Many of their physical attributes have als-

[black sea] anger?

*There is a blur of motion and a slim dagger flies past black sea's head. Before she can get angry she is overwhelmed with a sense of safety. She turns to see small winged demon that seems to be shimmering in and out of our time frame. It is of no consequense anymore as it is effectively pinned to the wall. The dagger pulls free and then vanishes.*

[lafinass] Made any new enemies lately?? For that matter how did a Finch get in here anyway? *looks at the others in the room* NYC i trust... Masque i don't know.

*Lay 'Nes pulls a wicked looking dagger out of an unseen pocket and holds it to Masque's neck.*

[Lay 'Nes] My Queen??

~seeing red with a knife to his throat~

I would suggest you remove that knife from the Emperor's throat lest you lose your life..... this is his planet is it not???

[white sea] easy, there! masque (or red) is a member of STUMPED. one of the original members, if i recall correctly. this castle was built on his planet, planet x. you might not want to mess with him. and i- we- trust him with our lives.

*lay 'nes lowers the dagger*

[black sea] *inspects the little demon* hmm... i wonder who we could have pissed off THAT much...

[white] *rolls eyes* would you like a list? take a seat, this might be a while.

[black] *turns to lay 'nes and the assasins* you guys will have your work cut out for you...

*white wonders if anyone is wondering how they get their income, considers telling them, then realizes how eincredibly awful the method is and decides not to*

[Lay 'Nes] I appologize ancient one, I serve my queen with blind devotion.

[lafinass] Unfortunatly, we can not stay. We have pressing matters elsewhere. My queen, you know how to contact me.

*The Acolytes step into the shadows and are gone.*

[white sea] *speaks absently to her side* yes yes... i'm quite all right. *realizes everyone is staring at her* hmmmmm.... this is gonna take some getting used to.

[black sea] especially for a dimwit. *grins wickedly*

[General Xavier]I take it Yo is in the Lab, good evening everyone...

[white sea] yes, he is in the lab. and good evening to you.