h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh boy what a drag, as people used to say. A lousy day at the office. The system is down and we can't do any work. All but a skeleton staff have been given the day off. So I'm sitting here with a Microsoft Editor file open, jotting down the details and phone numbers of everyone who calls, promising to phone them back tomorrow - although even that is not really a definite possiblity. IT are working on it, but apparently they've been working on it since Friday evening. (I wouldn't have liked to spend the last weekend before Christmas going cross-eyed over loads of green symbols on a black background either. )

Maybe this is the SuperGAU (Grösster Anzunehmender Unfall - Worst case scenario) that they have been predicting. We have all seen it coming - there is just so much data in the system that it had to cave in at some point. Well, that's how a lay person would see it. New servers were set up about a year ago, but the whole system has been wobbly for yonks.

And it really is only a week until Christmas. This coming Saturday it's Christmas eve and everyone will be going mad, trying to get the shopping, cooking, cleaning, present-wrapping, tree-decorating and carol-singing-round-the-piano all into the space of one day. Why do the Germans do that to themselves? There's nothing left to do on Christmas day itself, except eat and go for a walk. If you look at the biblical story, or at least, the way we were told in Sunday School, and according to the sentimental carols, the birth of Christ was supposed to be at midnight.

The Germans are very - VERY - strict about not celebrating anyone's birthday until the day itself. It should not even be mentioned. So why are they so set on sitting down at 4 pm on Christmas eve and opening their presents? 8 hours before the alleged time of birth? Before Midnight Mass ??? (which in some parishes is at about 6.30 pm) Traditionally, the children are expected to recite poems, or read the Christmas story, and play carols on their recorders whilst the adults sit round a table laden with coffee and cakes. The little ones are not allowed to see the tree with all its lights and decorations until that magic 4 pm either, so someone has to keep them busy and out of the living room, despite their being over-excited.

In our bi-cultural family, Christmas eve usually consists of the shopping and decorating part, finishing the day with a nice meal with smoked salmon, or raclettes, which the boys (if any of them are at home) can prepare. I let them have the run of the kitchen whilst I decorate the tree and as much of the rest of the house as I have the energy for. Usually I have to do extensive cleaning before I can even start on the decorating or I'll be fighting my way through cobwebs on the ceiling and in the doorways just to find the place where the drawing pins go. Dinner is planned for 7-ish, but usually actually starts at 8 - and by 9 pm I have to leave the table and dash off to church to be there an hour before the service (ours is usually at 10.30 pm which is just about right - it finishes around midnight). When we get back from church, the kitchen has been cleaned up by the elves and the boys and their friends are all off boozing with their friends.

On Christmas day, my sister-in-law comes for lunch, and the big question is whether the kids - especially the youngest, who's now 28 - will be awake in time for a 1.30 pm Christmas lunch.

Things are different this year. No. 1 son is over from America and living with the in-laws, but they are coming for Christmas lunch and other various days. No. 2's girlfriend has a patchwork family so they will have about three Christmases before coming to us on the 27th with little N (who will be 2 in February) for their 4th Christmas! No. 3 (as yet unattached but has a lovely girlfriend) arrives on Wednesday and will be leaving on 28th, the Wednesday after. So we just have the afternoon/evening of the 27th when the whole clan will be in the same place at the same time. I bet one of the kids will be ill or having a strop for most of that time, too.

At some point, the boys will also want to go into the wood and swing the chainsaw and bring home some firewood - they all love doing that.

Despite all this, I don't believe in stress, and what doesn't get done, doesn't get done, and as long as everyone has a pressie to unwrap and there's enough to eat for most meals, it'll be a happy Christmas.

Anyway, if anyone has read this far, let us know about your family's plans and have a Happy Christmas.

From my IT support point of view, I have to lay the blame on you for your data filling up - you've clearly been using the system too much

Where I am, it's the worst time of the year for IT failures. Everybody tries to complete their projects or make their other changes before the Christmas break. they cut corners to meet deadlines, and the systems crash.

I'll be on-call this Christmas weekend. I hope Santa's resilience-tested the sleigh and patched the presents.

" everyone will be going mad, trying to get the shopping, cooking, cleaning, present-wrapping, tree-decorating and carol-singing-round-the-piano all into the space of one day. Why do the Germans do that to themselves?" [TC]

They do it because they can. So why can they do it? Because of years of practice and tradition. And no, I'm not going to throw that "tradition" song at you.....

Christmas has been screwed up for 2,000 years, ever since three magi traveled thousands of miles to bring perfume to a baby. Then some Italian woman refused to follow the magi to clean her house, and she felt guilty about it, and tried to follow them, and got lost for 2,000 years. The mistakes just get layered on, until we got o the point where we told impressionable children that reindeer [which they've never seen in their lives] can fly, and Santa Claus [who isn't real] comes down your chimney even if you haven't got one!*



*Then again, if Santa isn't real, the chimney he comes down doesn't have t be real either.

Don't get me started on the Christmas card idyll of a blond baby and fair mother. They were Middle Eastern, for heaven's sake. And only the rich could afford to dye their clothes, and blue dye hadn't even been invented yet.

Swinging the chain saw...

I had a chat with a man in a parking lot who told me he met a man in hospital who had cut off both his legs felling a tree with a chain saw. Quite a feat. (Shouldn't mention feet.)

For us, Christmas is usually family gathering, and New Year's is with friends.

Christmas Eve is waffles.
Has been that way for several years, now : it's quick to make when you get back from church (our service is generally around 6 or 7 pm), and it's fun, and the one who makes them can be at the table with everyone.
We generally have smoked salmon and foie gras on them, before moving on to the sweet toppings (jam, sugar, yoghurt, you name it).

And the big meal is on Christmas day. Usually some poultry or other, and the cake we've been having ever since forever : Christmas log (rolled cake stuffed with creme patissiere and topped with nutella).
That's when we open the presents as well. Santa doesn't come until the middle of the night.

Ho Ho Ho

If poultry is traditional for your Christmas day dinner, I wouldn't want to see you run a fowl of that.

we're now the proud parents of 2 "of age" children this year so our christmas is a bit different than it has been in the past.
The last 3 years my mum has been over for a week but this year she's going to a hotel in Sheffield. (i think we're a bit stressful for her, it's awkward trying to get "me-time" in someone else's house and i think she thinks she's imposing, she's not)

The first year and I were married I made moussaka for Christmas Eve. The following year I'd become vegetarian, and by chance I made moussaka. We realised it was the 2nd year in a row, and ever since then, without fail, we have had moussaka on christmas eve. (#2 Gruesome is vegetarian so we always make a vegetarian one)

New tradition: family day on Christmas eve involving a big jug of bloody mary and board games and just being silly.

Christmas day: lie in, breakfast (Eggs Benedict Florentine - yes, Eggs Florentine with bacon) opening presents (it's lovely now the girls earn money an are old enough to buy what they think people want rather than when they were younger and bought what they would like) and we're having filet of beef with truffle sauce and roasted vegetables followed by chocolate mousse.
We'll watch TV and read our new books (and call family members in England)

The last few years on Boxing day there has been a Big New Film, (the Hobbit Films and now the Star Wars films) and this year we're going to see Rogue one, followed by going out for something to eat in the Düsseldorf Altstadt.

Then back to work...

I have a recipe for vegetarian moussaka. it's pretty nice.

We went to Rogue One this morning. We were almost the only people there so we sat in the Premium seats: eight of us. Mild spoilers follow.

It's the best Star Wars film by far. They extended the budget this time and hired a scriptwriter. But still the best actor is a droid.

Special bonus: Peter Cushing appears,in CGI from beyond the grave. His acting has improved. Also in CGI Carrie Fisher sheds forty years.

" the best actor is a droid." [recumbentman]
Maybe they should hand out Oscars for the best acting by droids.

When I was a kid, we had potato salad and sausages for tea on Christmas eve, and only AFTERWARDS we got to see the tree and open our presents. At 4pm we were glued to the TV before having a bath (while my mum decorated the tree). I've never opened an xmas gift at 4pm on xmas eve in my life!

With my own family, we have lasagna on xmas eve, because it's the only time and meal my husband cooks.

Then we sit, chat, and give whichever kid is present their xmas gift.

On Boxing Day, both kids come to our home, and sometimes we go to the cinema and a meal, other times we stay in, have and , play board games, then have tea together, then sit and chat until everybody leaves.

On the 26th, I avoid the cinemas in the big shopping malls because I know there won't be a parking space to be had.

This year, I saw "Lion" at the community movie theater in the downtown section of the next town over.