h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I got an offer (unsolicited) yesterday from my health insurance. They offered me an insurance to cover funeral and other costs incurred on my demise.

The minimum amount would be a payment of 6.34 Euros per month until the age of 85, upon which I would get €2000 immediately when I died (well, my nearest and dearest would).

Even though I'm nearer 85 than most people, I worked out that that way, I would pay 2130 Euros in - to harvest 2000 euros when I cop it. (OK, this is if I live past 85, of course.)



Yet again - you're better off shoving it under the mattress, or topping yourself in a couple of months after signing on the dotted line.

Those schemes are pretty dodgy. They're successful as they hire people like Michael Parkinson to sell them.

As it's your descendants who would foot the bill for your funeral (after they've recovered your assets), then maybe it's they who should decide whether they want to insure against your sudden death.

You're lucky it has an age limit, most require you to pay in until you're dead or it won't pay out.

They're only worth it if you die within 2-10 years of taking it out.

Put it into a savings account. Stop paying in when it gets to 2000 eurodollars and then spend the rest on

It is the ultimate SEP isn't it?

I suppose it also depends what else your relatives are inheriting. If you die, live alone and your next of kin is going to inherit your house and the rest of your estate then frankly they can spend a bit of that on the funeral.

If you live with your partner and you

A little known fact. In the UK I believe that no one has to pay for a funeral. You can simply refuse to do so, and the hospital will arrange a 'council funeral', which is often conducted by a hospital chaplin who will speak to any relatives, find out about the person, and advertise the time and place in a local newspaper.

The hospital will attempt to get the cost back from the estate or if that fails from the council.

Also you don't have to have a funeral at all. You can just ask a funeral director to dispose of the body, though they will charge for that. When my Grandmother died my mother and aunt wanted to do that because they couldn't face a funeral. However I persuaded them to organize one as all her friends did want to say goodbye, and they managed to do a fairly good job. Neither of them had been to a funeral before though because they hated them so much. When my Aunts 20 year old daughter died she refused to have a funeral.

I had to tell them to ring her friends, organize food at the house, what sort of time of day people would expect food, and what sort of food people would expect.

It's regulated very differently here, Z. Cremation is only just beginning to catch on, and is considered racy. Funerals are very serious affairs and the red tape is mind-boggling. Just as you are by German law, by no means allowed to opt out of school up to the age of 16 (home teaching is not an option), I doubt if there is a way of getting round the formality of a funeral. I haven't looked into it, but I am sure I could find a registrar to ask.

I didn't ever intend to take the offer which arrived in yesterday's post, I have a couple of other insurances which would do the same job. But both my grandmothers and both my parents survived to a ripe old age - my mother is still doing fine at 92, so is her sister. Unless the proverbial comes along, I reckon I stand quite a good chance of cashing in on those insurances myself.

Watch this space .... for another 35 years or so....