h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is a place for discussion of the topic disclosed in Post 799 in "British English - the sequel"

Hi, Nikki,
Just read your post 799 in Brit Eng.
Before my browser shuts down, I feel honoured that you have trusted us with the information.
I can't say that I am more pleased to share your company, but I am certainly no less pleased.
if you don't mind.

In my self-imposed exile I have been lurking round the Brit Eng thread, of course. I would therefore like to add my love and congratulations to Plaguesville's message. See you later in the year

Nikki, I just wanted to add my support and best wishes as well - I work with a lovely person in the same circumstances as you (incredibly with the same name).

Red Dog

Nikki is Nikki, here you ain't nothing that you don't want to be. Hope everything works out well for you.
Phil

Nikki,

I remember that before the break, you had a photo of yourself on your page. I only vaguely remember it (I have a terrible memory for faces) but you are right, the name David doesn't suit you.

As I said on the British English (sequel) thread, you are among friends here. You can be whoever you want to be, and I mean that in Real Life as well as in h2g2.

All the best,
G

Best wishes from me and a good friend of mine, now called Soraya (also formerly known by a male name...).

(If half of Soraya's stories are true (and ALL of them are, I know), I can anly admire your courage.)

The resemblance between (the names) Nikki and Nike ( the Greek goddess of victory) suddenly gets a while new meaning...

Having met you IRL, and pestered you with questions which you so patiently answered, I think you are a lovely person and have made me review the role of woman in this society.

It is a question which we have neglected for 100 years now, and the fact that you have *chosen* to be a woman, rather than just taking it for granted all your life that you are one, puts a completely new light on this role.

It is time for women to look at examples of gentle and sympathetic people like you, Nikki, and to sort this world out their way. With feminine intuition and the peaceful approach. The suffragettes and feminists pointed us in the wrong direction - this world needs less testesterone (sp?) and more oestrogen. Not vice versa. Women should take over this world as women and not as pseudo-men.

Well, it's a bit off the subject, but this is the way my thoughts have been going.

Women do tend to get used as doormats, though (especially long-term mothers). That's one trait we can discard in the cause of girl power! Don't you let them do it to you!

Thanks for the kind words, TC.

I *do* believe in "girl-power", but in the context of the Spice Girls rather that Margaret Thatcher. I am determined to continue to progress my career, but it won't be at the expense of being kind and sympathetic. I don't yet know if it will be more or less difficult for me than a genetic woman.

Although I've been a "techie" for 15 years (1984 to 1999, my second work "era"), I've actually found that I'm a "people-person". To my mind, this is more stongly associated with women than men, and so fits. I can't help feeling I still have so much to achieve - not so much for myself, but for people like me (and perhaps genetic women too).

I will happily answer questions and have discussions because that's the way people are going to learn and understand what makes some of us "swap sides". My psychiatrist (whom I saw the morning of our Wellington meet), has only met me once, but already says I'm unusual (partly because I didn't have any idea about changing until my mid-20s). He also said he isn't going to refer me to the specialist clinic in London because there isn't anything they can do for me. I feel there's lots I can do for others, though.

I need to put in a tribute here to my (now ex.) partner. I've managed to develop as a person, and contemplate this transistion without outside agencies only because Karen has provided so much councelling and support to an emotionally deprived, quiet, shy person totally lacking self-confidence, over the course of nearly 18 years. I am the richest person that ever lived. I miss her terribly ... , but so far have managed to spend some time with her every few weeks. Talking or writing about her always brings tears to my eyes. Am I crazy giving up someone I love so much so I can choose to be a woman ? Sometimes I think so.

A phrase or motto has just come to me ... "Strength through Vulnerability".

Should we have an area here in h2g2 that deals with the issues you've raised above ? How can it be started and publicised enough to generate interest ?

If it didn't sound like an ad for an appropriately called (in YOUR cas, Nikki) brand of sports wear, I would say "just do it" (oops, I just DID say it).
I for one, as an emancipated man, can only give my full support to this kind of girl-power.
And I believe that THIS kind of "girl-power" will get a lot more support from the male part of the population than the suffragettes or feminists ever did.
My ex-wife once told me that Madonna did a lot more for women's rights than 100 years of feminism.

There are so many more questions, Nikki.

How do men react to you? I noticed that there seemed to be some distance when we were together in that group, but that was probably quite natural and I'm sure that would soon have been waylaid if a closer conversation had been possible - I would certainly not expect any prejudiced or prudish (not really the word I'm looking for) people on H2G2.

Glad you have joined us, Dr. K.

This conversation shouldn't be re-started - I think it should simply be made known in a few other threads (you can link within H2G2) in case people want to join in.

And Nikki - if you are prepared to talk openly about everything, I would like to ask, out of curiosity, what your position is re relationships? Are you going to stay faithful to Karen, would you/do you consider relationships with another woman/man? Are you just going to remain celibate? This question is only to satisfy my curiosity, so don't answer if you don't want to. Also, you are so untypical, it may be something that doesn't bother you so much as it would others in your situation. Or perhaps vice versa?

TC (like the bracketed phrase!).

Do you think this *is* the best place for a discussion about our notions of girl-power ? As there isn't a Guide Entry about girl-power (is this phrase to hackneyed ?), I thought perhaps I/we could write one with some starter ideas and topics for discussion below. What do you think ?

I do think there is much to interlink them, but that's probably through me rather than there being an intrinsic link between the topics.

This is certainly the place to discuss the transition, it's nuances and effects, and I will reply to your questions later this evening.

Must dash - will be back on line in a couple of hours ...

Will e-mail a draft fairly soon, to see if we are on the same wavelength.

I don't really like the expression "girl power" - at least not in this sense - although it does not make me think of Mrs T.

"Woman's role in society", more like.

Don't know why I'm writing in telegram style. I've got time! But will probably not be on line tonight for your reply. Will read that in the morning.

In the meantime, we are being pestered for entries to be sent back subedited. That's a bit difficult, as our computer has decided it doesn't want to link up to the internet. So I am logging in from my son's PC and at work, which means I can't do anything which involves files on the hard disk. Most frustrating.

Sorry about the delay, but here are the answers to some of your questions TC:


Q - How do men react to you?

A - I think it's a reasonable generalisation that men seem to react less well on average. That isn't to say they all do, it's just that I've noticed more men than women being wary or uncertain how to treat me. Last week I had two company reps come to see me, and they both showed no signs of being non-plussed or uncomfortable. However, a man from the cabling company we use didn't seem to want to get too close in case he caught something !

Q - what (is) your position is re relationships?
- Are you going to stay faithful to Karen,
- would you/do you consider relationships with another woman/man?
- Are you just going to remain celibate?

A - Currently, everything is so new for me, and I have some friends and aquaintances, so relationships are not an immediate problem. I am very much a person who enjoys the company of others, so I'm sure in the longer term I will need an intimate or very close relationship to keep me sane.
- My relationship with Karen is one of deep friendship (platonic) and has been for many years. We had always planned to spend our retirement together, and this now looks to be impossible (or at best, unlikely). One of Karen's stipulations was that when I made my transition, I would move out. She is fiercely hetrosexual, and says she would find it uncomfortable in the extreame sharing the house (and her life) with "another woman". In those circumstances, "remaining faithful" looks to be on a different planet. In any case, she has a boyfriend (started last June), and if he can get his act together and extricate himself from *his* existing relationship, he will be sharing retirement with Karen rather than me. I must confess, I'm not happy about that (not because I don't like him, but because he will be with Karen instead of me).
- I have spent many months wondering if I would like a relationship with a man or a woman, and I must confess that I'm no closer to resolving it. There is something natural, secure and 'right' that I feel when I go somewhere with a man. On the other hand, I seem to get on much better with women. Because I'm really neither one thing nor the other (or perhaps both), I think it will be difficult for other people to enter into a relationship with me - which ever type I end up with, does it make them homosexual ? This isn't an issue for me, but it will be for others. This is linked to the next part of the question, which is answered below ...
- I have been celebate prety well since Karen and I created Jenna (so that's since about August 1987). I don't see that changing for a while. One of the difficult bits of knowing about Karen's relationship with her boyfriend, is that I know they often have passionate sex. As a man, I was never able to give that to Karen or any other girlfriend (this was an early, but unrecognised pointer for me). As I am now, I can't be a sexual partner to a man. Even if I have the final opperation, I won't be able to experience sex in a way that *real* women can. There is an accute feeling of loss inside me over this - if I could have been 'cured' and become a real/normal man, I would have taken that route in preference to the one that has brought me here - but I can't be a real/normal woman either. I think there's going to be some psycholgical fallout over this in the future, and I hope I'm strong enough to survive it.

Q - you are so untypical, it may be something that doesn't bother you so much as it would others in your situation. Or perhaps vice versa?

A - Yes, I think I am unusual compared to other transsexuals (TS), and always was to other transvestites (TV). Most TS people have known from a very early age that they feel more true to themselves in a female role. I didn't. It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I discovered 'cross-dressing', and only in the last year that I've really contemplated choosing to be a woman. Because most TS people have always felt they were the wrong gender, many have grow up being shy, nervous, anxious etc., especially when coming to their transition. I'm none of those (though I used to be, but for different reasons). Because the causes of my shyness weren't linked to my gender, I've overcome them *before* I got to my transition - hence an easy transition. Many TS people seem to end up with other TS people - I don't think that will be right for me. Many TS people have problems retainig their job or getting a new one - that hasn't happened to me, and in fact my current job (as Nikki) represents a considerable promotion (resposibilities & money) over the last job David had.

I hope all this answers your questions (and isn't too complex or verbose). I hope it may trigger yet more questions !

Nikki