h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You probably heard about the hypochondriac who finally died and was buried under a headstone that read "Told you so"

I wonder if I may bother my friends here to add a list of other memorable epitaphs?

Here is one I found fitting for a friend of mine:

"Hereunder lieth a man who tried to kill Time.
He is now contemplating Time's inevitable and everlasting revenge"

Well, there's the famous Boothill grave in Tombstone, Arizona for Wells, Fargo & co. station agent, Lester Moore. He was shot by Hank Dunstan who objected to the mangled condition of a package he came to pick up.

HERE LIES
LESTER MOORE,
FOUR SLUGS
FROM A 44,
NO LES
NO MORE

Here are a few others I've found.

In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.

A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

In Winslow, Maine:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

Very good ones, Baron

Here are two from Denmark. The first is for a sea captain from Marstal, a small sea port on a small island, but famous the World over for it's many sailing ships, who went everywhere on this planet in the days of old (and in its original language it rhymes very well, by the way):

"Here lieth captain Hansen
anchored by his wife
He will not weigh again
until he stands before the Lord's throne"

Now isn't that beautiful?
The second is for a priest on an even smaller island - and it *may* not be equally beautiful. Then again: you never know:

"He did what he could"

(I believe that would often be read as "bless his heart", yes?)

"He will not weigh again" is what it means, of course

some real belters there



GB

‘Never a loser be, only a winner he’, the inscription read on Michael Winner's tomb.