h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We had our last concert of the year last night. The big choir were singing in the National Concert Hall. In the first half of the concert we performed Britten's St Nicolas Cantata. In the second half, we did popular Christmas carols - some in the traditional arrangements, others more unusual, some with the audience joining in, and finished off with a rousing Hallelujah Chorus.

Our compère for the evening, Olivia, is a well-known TV presenter and political commentator. As a voice that everyone is familiar with, she set the tone for a comfortable and enjoyable couple of hours.

The St Nicolas Cantata is a really strange piece of music. It's 9 short pieces about the life of St Nicolas, Bishop of Myra, the original Santa Claus. Some of it is peaceful and tuneful chorales. Other parts are dramatic adventures which suggest a London Musical rather than a work about a saint - in particular, the tale of the pickled boys brings to mind Sweeney Todd and Les Miserables.

It is a time of famine, and an enterprising butcher makes a little extra by slaughtering three small boys, pickling them and selling them as meat. The Bishop has come to town and is just about to eat the meat when Nicolas rushes in, stops the feast and as an added bonus brings the three boys back to life, whereupon they all sing praising God. THe moment when the three boys suddenly appear at the back of the concert hall and walk up the aisle singing is magical!

Christmas concerts are hard work - the choir was singing for about one and a half hours all told, there are lots of different pieces of music, none of which ever get enough rehearsal, and we're only told what order everything is to be done at the last minute, so there's a general air of confusion. Despite all this, and a few glaring errors in places, I think we managed to pull it off and produced an enjoyable evening for our audience.

So while I love singing, I am generally relieved that we've no more of it until the new year. We'll be starting work on Carmina Burana, which should be fun.

Sounds great

Carmina Burana's very difficult, I understand. How's your Latin voice?

in taverna quando sumus....

It's grand, thanks.

Most of Carmina Burana is quite easy.

But there are a few surprisingly tricky numbers. I think "veni, veni, veni, venias" is probably the most difficult number in the whole piece as the rhythms in it are really complex. And the In Taverna song is a bit of a tongue-twister listing at high speed 20 different reasons why we should drink beer.

I should think you'd be allowed to slur that one

In taberna quando sumus,
non curamus quid sit humus,
sed ad ludum properamus,
cui semper insudamus.
quid agatur in taberna
ubi nummus est pincerna,
hoc est opus ut quaeratur;
si quid loquar, audiatur.

Quidam ludunt,
quidam bibunt,
quidam indiscrete vivunt.
sed in ludo qui morantur,
ex his quidam denudantur,
quidam ibi vestiuntur,
quidam saccis induuntur;
ibi nullus timet mortem,
sed pro Baccho mittunt sortem.

Primo pro nummata vini;
ex hac bibunt libertini;
semel bibunt pro captivis,
post haec bibunt ter pro vivis,
quater pro Christianis cunctis,
quinquies pro fidelibus defunctis,
sexies pro sororibus vanis,
septies pro militibus silvanis.
octies pro fratribus perversis,
nonies pro monachis dispersis,
decies pro navigantibus,
undecies pro discordantibus,
duodecies pro paenitentibus,
tredecies pro iter agentibus.

Tam pro papa quam pro rege
bibunt omnes sine lege.
Bibit hera, bibit herus,
bibit miles, bibit clerus,
bibit ille, bibit illa,
bibit servus cum ancilla,
bibit velox, bibit piger,
bibit albus, bibit niger,
bibit constans, bibit vagus,
bibit rudis, bibit magus,
Bibit pauper et aegrotus,
bibit exul et ignotus,
bibit puer, bibit canus,
bibit praesul et decanus,
bibit soror, bibit frater,
bibit anus, bibit mater,
bibit ista, bibit ille,
bibunt centum, bibunt mille.

Parum sescentae nummatae
durant cum immoderate
bibunt omnes sine meta,
quamvis bibant mente laeta;
sic nos rodunt omnes gentes,
et sic erimus egentes.
qui nos rodunt confundantur
et cum iustis non scribantur.

I was going to ask you to translate, then saw 'bibit anus' and decided not to.

According to one translation it means "the old lady drink".

drinks

Yes, the other one (ānus) is the ring or rectum.

My son was in China with an orchestra once, and in a restaurant he decided to try his luck with what he thought must be a mistranslation for 'whole chicken'.

He was wrong. It *was* a plate of chicken anuses

Ah. In my browser (Chrome) what should have read anus with a horizontal dash over the a comes out as &#257 ;nus (without a space).

That would certainly be easier to pronounce than what I saw on my screen, too!

I have a very strange relationship with the Carmina Burana. Maybe I have a dirty mind but I think the whole thing is pure pornography. When I finally had to sing it, it turned out to be great fun, but I had to put out of my mind what it was about. We had a children's choir and the chappie who sang the roasting swan was a real expert at it, wiping his brow and taking his jacket off to demonstrate how hot it was in that oven. It was obviously his party piece. The hardest part is in the final chorus where the altos have to come in on top "G". The sopranos are singing even higher than that.

When's the performance?

The hardest part is in the final chorus where the altos have to come in on top "G"

- it's been a couple of years but thinking about that note still brings me out in a sweat. Fun piece though

We're not performing it until May, so we've plenty of time to learn it.

It's not all pornography, just some of it. And nothing compared with Catulli Carmini, music by Orff, words by Catullus. That one is rarely performed.

It may not all be pornography but when I sang it in a scratch choir last year it still prompted the conductor (Sir Mark Elder) to promise us "it's the filthiest thing you'll ever get to sing in public".