h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dirty old peeping bastard! Oh _yes_ cavorting with suspicious animals and enslaving unfortunately disproportionate members of society to bribe the innocent young creeps of the earth to indulge him in his peculiar child-in-lap fetish. Oh, wonderful.

Doesn't he have a nice white beard though?
(Not a member of the white beardy society, I hasten to add).

I suppose the beard might be pleasing to some, however, I prefer my dirty old bastards a little more neatly trimmed.