h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nothing exciting has been happening. I just realized that as I went to type this. Oh yes I was at a party on Friday nite. Much dancing, much music. The sad thing is that this group of friends has traditional songs we must play everytime we are together. We have to play Ac/Dc (you shook me all night long), Spandau Ballet (True - just to sing loudly the emotional "TRUE!!!!"), and a whole host of other genres. Unfortunately, there is a tradition of singing a Neil Diamond song (one of our members does an excellent "bah bah bah" in the song Sweet Caroline, before you think that this is a group of oldsters like me, the ages in this group range from 22-42) Here is the embarrasing thing. At midnight the police came to complain about the loud music. Very embarrasing to be busted for playing Neil Diamond too loud. I can only imagine if we needed to go to court. "Um, yessir, Judge, we did commit the infraction, um, the song? Um, that would be Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond". Damn, would ruin my rep.

Hello Dimples!
But what if you got Mr. Diamond himself to testify in your defense?
I think the judge would understand.

Actually if we had the "bah bah bah" guy do the song, the judge would have thrown it out of court! Very impressive!

Funny Story:
There I was drunk in bar (all the best stories start off this way).
Sweet Caroline came on the jukebox, the bar all sings along (including our surely less impressive 'bah bah bah's). So I think "I bet my ex-girlfriend Carrie would like to hear this song" I dial her up on my mobile, hold it up in the air, then after the chorus hang up, without speaking a word. I forgot I did this until a few weeks later when I talked to her on the phone and she asked me "Did you accidently call me a few weeks ago? Your name came up on caller id, but all I could hear was noise" Lesson to be learned: alcohol and mobile communications do not mix.

You've got that right. Been toasted a few times and unfortunately thought of things I needed to tell people IMMEDIATELY. Usually they are either expressing undying love, or undying hatred. There should be a device that renders a cell phone unusable if the person is inebriated.

I agree
Fortunately, the Sweet Caroline incident was less an expression of love than it was a "she would think that was funny" thing.
My girlfriend receives many drunk cell calls of the love variety from me, usually walking from a bar to the subway... I could never tell if she's laughing because she thinks I'm cute or stupid... or both

But if the cell phone breathilizer was available I'm sure she'd buy me one

As I would as well. Maybe we are on to something here. The marketplace is just dying for something like that.

I received a phone call like that from Cancun about 2 weeks ago. I have a friend down there who has a very thick mexican accent. He was in a bar with a bunch of Americans, thought of me and thought it would be fun to call and have me be part of the party. So, 2:00am, I'm cranky, and all I heard was a man speaking Spanish, saying "I LOVE YOU BABY, YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND". Gee, I hope it was my friend down in Cancun... (Yes, I did laugh and think it was kinda cute - sometimes stupid and cute exist hand in hand).

So let's plan that out... what do you say? This will sell much better than the special bed-with-a-hole-for-your-arm-while-spooning that Krissy Lee and I designed...

It makes me happy that stupidity and cuteness are often paired... Must be part of evolution, no?

Yes, if someone does something stupidly cute, you don't want to smack them. (Like babies).

I think we would have to come up with a very snappy name for the device. Breath-o-phone, designated dialer. I can see many people purchasing it as a gift for those in their lives. I would order about 10 (including one for myself).

Unfortunately it seems cell phone makers just seem intent on making it easier to call people while drunk. I should do a study. I bet 90% of all roaming charges are incurred under the effects of alcohol...
-zoom

I think you are correct in that. I believe most of mine are. In fact I think I'm going to look through my old bills and see if I can document that.