h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*irritating musak fills this wood panneled, seventies styled lift. Old and smelling faintly of urine, this lift serves the main block of the hospital*

*enters lift on ground floor*
*presses button*
*travels to top floor*
*exits lift*

*attempts to force his way into the lift, but finds it full of orchestra*
*wrestles the bassist out of the lift and onto the floor*
*barges his way into the lift and hits the button*
*the bassist tries to get back in but the doors close on him, trapping his nose*

*calls the lift back to the 20th floor and hops on pressing the button for ground floor. The bassist jumps on just in time*

*while the bassist is trying to stop his nosebleed, EV takes a penknife from his pocket and cuts through the strings on the bass*

*Bassist sits down in the corner and cries*

*Peregrin gets on the lift wearing earmuffs. He presses '42'. The lift shoots up, and suddenly stop. Everybody crashes into the ceiling. The lift hovers for a moment then moves rapidly sideways, crushing everybody against the bassist. The lift finally plunges down a couple of stories, jerks up and down, and spits Peregrin out.*

*the lift arrives at the ground floor*
*EV feels guilty about the bassist, but then remembers it's for the greater good, and stands on the bassist's fingers on the way out of the lift*

*Conductor indicates to some stagehands to take the bass and bassist away. A new bassist arrives and takes his place as they rush towards the A&E*

*waits patiently for the elevator*
*makes a point of calling it an elevator instead of a lift*
*hums quietly along with the orchestra music*

*falls asleep leaning against the wall*

*drapes a blanket over Talene and grabs the lift up to ward 42*

*A porter wheels FC into the lift, and presses the button for the ground floor; he is taking her to the Fracture Clinic, http://www.h2g2.com/F52268?thread=76659&latest=1, which is situated at the near end of the corridor to X ray*