h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* When one dreams of the night of bliss on one's wedding night, this is the stunning surrounding to do 'it' in... *

*GB pops her head round the door and stares at the beauty of the room... Red satin sheets, eh? Lucky things...
*shrugs her shoulders and sets off in search of the Unbridal Suite, which M.K* promiced he would set up, and she hasn't found yet....

Any room with you in it would surely count as such !!!

BTW Check the orginal thread...

Lord M.K*

* The newly married couple Kes & Peaceful Earthling's posessions are laid out here... with anything breakable carefully put in the drawers... *

* Some items of 'hygeine' are put in the bathroom cabinet... *

Did I hear him correctly?
Kes & Peaceful got married?
aaaaaaaagh!
*sound of heart breaking again...
*GB bursts into tears.....
Suddenly, a little devil appears out of nowhere on GB's shoulder and whispers in her ear.
*GB smiles a watery smile
*GB disappears into the bathroom to make some minor adjustments....
*looks around the room, heads for the bed....
*makes major adjustments to the bed....
*heads for the kitchen....

*comes back with yesterday's kippers from the kitchen bin, proceeds to sew them into the linings of the curtains.....

note to self: do not get on GB's wrong side! love it

*GB returns with a roll of clingfilm
She heads straight for the bathroom and covers the toilet seat with it.
The little devil on her shoulder encourages her to do more.
She sits and thinks....
She smiles at the thought of the itching powder in the bed....
And the shower head that she poured ink into....
That'll do for now, hehehe....
Now, I wonder where Mina is? I require her services...

*Having tried his key in every door along the corridor, the door to the Suite opens for Kes, who stares with concern at the title on the door*

Oh yes - I remember - mail-order nubile Brazilian brides incorporated. Satisfaction guaranteed, or your wallet back. I wonder when the little beauty will be arriving?

*Heads into ensuite bathroom, pausing to check contents of bathroom cabinet*

Hmm - high class stuff: 4711 cologne, what's this "compliments of the management" ... oh - those. Special non-family size pack of 48. ! I'm only here for the weekend!

And this .... "for the ladies - just in case of ....."
What on earth is that? and why does it need so many large batteries?. Probably for mixing the old midnight cocoa - shouldn't wonder. Why an I here? A yes - nature calls. Aaaah!

*Strange sounds come from within the bathroom.

*First, a sound as of a child playing on a small plastic drum, getting louder.

*Second, a scream of uncomprehending rage.

*Third, a rending, "KERTWOING"-ish sort of noise, followed be a relieved silence.

*Lastly, strange squelchings, and the sound of trousers, shoes and socks being thrown into the bath*

*Kes emerges, somewhat deshabillé. From the wardrobe, he dons fresh socks (green), trousers that do not match the jacket, and a pair of sude shoes*.

Someone will pay for this!
I demand to see the manager

*He storms back to the bar

* The manager passes by and makes himself scarce... *

Lord M.K*

Hey, GB. You forgot the clear nail polish on the soap trick.

3

JOTD: All extremists should be taken out and shot.

hanks Jester, I'll certainly remember that one, I should have called on you....

*Enters and leaves ribbon-tied scrolls with horoscopes for the newlyweds*

*Peaceful: Mother was right.*

*Kes: Chocolate bait may lure what you need to catch.*

*After a nightmare which featured a bath full of boiling chocolate going up and down the Manor like an elevator, other goings up and goings down involving a French Maid, and the imminent arrival of a blushing bride-to-be, Kes wakes up*

*He wakes up in the Bridal Suite, with a wrecked spa bath on the wrecked bed, chocolate covering parts of him, (more worrying) no chocolate on some parts, and two scrolls with highly apposite messages*

*He groans, dons dry clothes from the wardrobe, and struggles to the Bar*

*comes in rather irate, muttering "this wasn't in the job description" and starts cleaning up the suite since she REALLY doesn't want kes coming back to the reception desk and leaving more nasty notes *

*finishes cleaning up the carnage in the bedroom but leaves the bathroom untouched, since she doesn't know anything about what might be in there*
finally, i'm done.
*leaves the bridal suite bedroom in perfect order, just like it was when kes first arrived, with ceiling patched and bathtub removed *

*Kes inspects the Suite, and is most impressed. If he had any conscience (which he hasn't), he would apologise to sea for all the rude notes, and buy her a bunch of flowers. But he hasn't got a conscience, so he doesn't. He just smirks, and thinks of his approaching mail-order bride ...*

* M.K hastily listens at the door before entering... *

* He open the door a little to see Kes past out on the bed... *

* M.K 'clinks' past a number of discarded whiskey bottles as he tries to put the cases down quietly... *

* He whispers... *

There you are Miss...

* He says with extreme optumism... *

Lord M.K*

*Kes leads his brother's "bride" into the Bridal Suite, so distracted at that thought, that he completely fails to notice the previous confusing posting. PE's cases are there. The room is ready - management have even provided two champagne-laded ice-buckets, two little mints on the pillow, two .... yes, well, you get the picture*

Right - shut the door - and bolt it - the staff have all got pass keys. Don't look so worried. We're here to get you your money - nothing else.

*Unfortunately - he thinks!*