h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Art's a painful place to go mate. It never makes sense anymore. Urinals as art? Says who? It's just something you p**s in at the pub. Why not try for a simpler approach to art? Cut something in half and pickle it. Cows are good. Better still, cut the opposition in half and pickle them. Try to keep an open mind and all will fall into place.

By the way, I'm very interested in useless information. For example; Diamonds are the hardest material in the world. So, to cut Diamonds they use - get this - DIAMONDS! So, who cut the first ever diamond into shape, and what did they cut it with?

Please help me with this brain-strain. I think it's something I should consult my doctor about, but he refuses to see me ever since the episode with the fish.

I see your Perplexity is as big as mine.
The urinal thing was not my idea, some American Modernist came up with the idea and didnt get very far with it. The urinal sits in a locked storage room somewhere in america and is signed with an alias and i cant remember eith name.
Falling in to place?????
Well!!!!
See my mind is relativly open, sometimes. But most of the time i know what i like, and usually i dont see it, so i complain and moan that there is nothing making sence in the world. I go sit in a corner and repeat the phrase, "Its ok to be average, its ok to be mediocre"
I try to keep this in mind but it all falls apart in the end.

About the diamond thing, i think the first diomond was more likely to be used as a rudermentary axe, and its value only later stumbled on.

I only claimed the Keeper of Useless information, cause of the line "My mind has an endless capacity for useless imformation" i think that one was from a Kevin Smith Movie.
The fact that i use the alias of Keeper of Useless information is purely to satisfy my need to quote. I used to have lots of bits of inforama but over the past months, i have lost the gift and now resort in using quotes from movies and books to amuse my audience.
From a despondent Cheeze.
But thanx for responding, and we'll chat!!

I'm sorry to hear that you mind's capacity for useless information is dwindling. Here are a few exercises to improve it:

+ Read some of my (Very bizzarre) articles.
+ Look at the world around you and ask "Why the bleeding hell doesn't it fall over?"
+ Talk to disturbed people like me on a regular basis.

BTW: "What's all this Viva La Zaphodista business about?" My mind eagerly cries out. And here's another interesting question for you: If the middle of the Earth is so hot, how come I'm bloody freezing to death in this tiny little country they call England??!

Speak to you again soon,

-Lowey (Confused as ever).

Firstly the Zaphodista thing is a small band of p****d off people that want the BBC to change the "house rules" to the way they were B-BBC (Befor BBC) and to give us our "Don't Panic" Button back, i mean really how hard is it to guess dont panic means "Help"?
Just little things have changed and some of us are not all that happy about it. Go to the entry called Zaphodista Army of Cybernautic Liberation at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A520769, I cant do links yet, i'm still learning. You'll see my name there and a whole lot of other sympathises.
the secont thing the England thing, wellllllll The heat at the centre of the earth dosent nesscessarly effect the heat on the surface. but i see where your comming from. Down here the weather is also stuffed, its supposed to be Autumn and its like 20 something degrees, not that i'm complaining or any thing, i like the warm, well its not that warm but its been below 15 degrees lately, so the warmer the better.
Bring back summer!!!!!!!!!
catch ya
cheeze

Aha... Now I see, I think I too shall join. Viva la Zapho-wot-ever...! About the centre of the world thing; I know of special hand-warmer things where a stick of charcoal burns inside a small red wallet-type thing. They get dead hot, and are stored in pockets to keep hands warm. If THEY get red hot from the centre outwards, why the hell shouldn't the Earth do it? And why don't the stars plow into the Earth? What's holding them out? Could it be the big bang??? Why is it that one human can remember nearly 100 years of crap, and yet forget his wife's birthday? Why do I ask so many dumb questions? Is my brain frazzled? Have I GOT a brain? How can I be sure? AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you have a brain????
well that one will have to be answered by only you. If you believe you have a brain then you do, if you dont then you might not. Its all got to do with faith. Plus i dont know you all that well Lowey. Its v-good to see you are down with the revolution. Oh and the thing about people remembering certin things and not others, its all a matter of selective memory. I dont know????? I'm half asleep and should be doing something like homework???......... nah f**k it.
Oh and i second your: AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaRRRGH and raise you a DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN