h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My back's been giving me gip these past few days. It's a long-standing thing, probably as a result of all those years I spent carrying furniture and boxes for a living, then shifting kegs of beer. It comes and goes, I know how to alleviate it, I know that it's just a fact of life, and I know that from time to time I just have to put up with the discomfort.

So there I am in the co-op this morning, trying to bend down as best I can to get those things on my shopping list that are on the low shelves. At one point I needed to get some mushrooms (which weren't on a low shelf), and there's someone right there, filling the shelves with some or other veg. I had a bad feeling... I knew what was coming. But not quite in the way it did.

I was expecting either "Are you finding everything okay?" (I swear I'm going to let go with both barrels one day when someone asks me that), or perhaps "How's it going?". I didn't expect "What's shakin' buddy?"



Okay, you asked for it. My back's killing me and it's making me quite unhappy. I'm not going to do the trite "How are you?" "I'm good, how are you?" "I'm good" cobblers. You asked me what's going on (I think), so I'm telling you.

Then he starts giving me all kinds of advice about how to deal with a bad back. This kid who must be at least 30 years younger than me and has possibly never had a backache is lecturing me on what to do with my back. I inform him that my back has been bad for at least 20 years but this doesn't stop his flow in the least. I should do this, I should do that. I try to stem the tide by telling him it's chronic back pain and it's something I have to live with.

Then he suggests acupuncture.

I shot him a look and said "No mate, I don't believe in woo" and walked off.

Pffff.

Accupuncture


My dad just had to have an electrical nerve stimulation system surgically "installed" to help with his crippling back pain. His back is an S curve now.


I used to have bouts with my back that would last up to several weeks at a time where I had a hard time driving my car, much less walking about. But I was never sure what caused it or what helped it. It might have been some injury I suffered my 16th Summer when I spent the whole break either windsurfing or 4-wheeling. The windsurfing put a shearing strain on my back as I wore a shoulder harness which pulled my upper back toward the board while my legs pushed my lower back away from the board. The 4-wheeler put compression strain on my back with the constant pounding.

It could have been that, or it could have simply been a "pinched nerve". I still get back pain in certain situations. Shopping usually makes my back hurt. I don't know if it's the hard floors or arching back to look at high shelves or if it's just the tension of hating to shop, hating all the customers that aren't looking where they're pushing their carts, hating all the screaming children. But yeah, shopping is usually the worst on my back. But I can walk around standing most of the day at the Ren Fest and not feel bad at all. Maybe that's the ample amounts of muscle relaxing I consume.

Anyway, I don't know what causes or cures my own back pain, I wouldn't consider giving anyone else any advice other than "lift with your legs".

I consume plenty of muscle relaxant too - , and - but it's not working at the moment.

Oh... the 'in passing asked' question... that is oh so hard to ahoswer.... answer... I mean... an average asker of 'how are you', or its variations... really* doesn't wanan know I've tried various asnwers so far... and the jurry is still out as to which is the best... depends on teh person asking I guess too, to an extent... - the barman the other night looked, according to my Brother like he was about to pass out, when I did a ... I thought... snappy answer to teh question (can't recall now which variation of it it was)... as he was pouring my ... beer

As is so often the case, what my back needed was exercise. Bending, moving, lifting. A six-hour shift of it. Feels much better

Now it just remains to be seen if I'm able to get out of bed in the morning <whistle,

as unacoustumed as I am to thinking such thoughts... I'm starting to think along the same lines.... but quite how I'm supposed to find energy enough, to like do exercise at the moment.... I'm sure its possible.... somehow! - might help/make me sleep, and losen up some of these moaning joints

I do know that on those weekends where I try to catch up on and stay in bed or on the sofa too long, my back will complain. It'll get me way down low and make it nearly impossible to bend over by any significant degree. That probably does have something to do with those early stresses on my back windsurfing and 4-wheeling. I almost exclusively sleep on my side with my knees up in a semi-fetal position to prevent back pain. I used to like to sleep with one leg extended and my upper leg bent lying partially on my stomach, but that leaves me hurting now.

*Refrains from adding *

It's a fickle thing, the spine. We've ordered a new bed - hope that'll make things better for us, at least first thing in the morning....

Hope you remain pain-free.

Your wishes (and mine) have been fulfilled, TC This time yesterday I could hardly move, or even sit still, without agonistic impingements. This morning I'm (as) pain-free (as passes for normal these days)

Funny how young Mr Expert never thought of that solution yesterday.

By the way, since this conversation was intended to be about how everybody wants to offer advice, rather than about back pain (but this is Hootoo so once you let a conversation into the wild you've no control over which direction it runs off in), if someone had said to me that their back, or any other part of their anatomy, was in bad shape my first reaction would be to offer sympathy, and perhaps fellow-feeling if it's something I have experience of. You know, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I hope it gets better soon" and perhaps "I know how that feels", not "You should do this, you need to do that, this is what you have to do", which is what happens more often than not.

Dang, I hit the Post button too quickly. I wanted to add that I would offer advice if it was solicited, or I might ask if I could offer advice rather than simply launching into a list of remedies and palliatives.

Well, if you want unsolicited advice, get the hiccups.

Here's my sure fire (nearly) remedy for hiccups. I got it from an episode of Cheers.

You take a glass of ice water.
Pick it up from the bar using only your pinkies and ring fingers.
Place it to your lips.
Close your nose using your middle or index fingers.
Stick your thumbs in your ears.
Drink without breathing for at least 10 swallows. Better to finish the glass.

In the episode, this is meant to mainly make Frasier look foolish.
In practical application you can just pick up the glass with one hand and pinch your nose with the other. The thumbs in the ears are unnecessary. But this methodology does have a physiological basis. Hiccups are typically caused by some irritation of the diaphragm. By drinking ice cold water without breathing, you quickly create a desperate need to take a deep breath. Cold water causes a reflex action. This is why it's dangerous to jump into cold water. By the time you finish your 10th sip, your lungs will be screaming for air. When you do breath in, the sharp deep intake will (hopefully) "reset" your diaphragm.

It doesn't work every time, but it works better than any other method I've tried.

Taking as big a lungful of air as I can and holding it for as long as possible almost always does it for me. And no possibility of spilling anything all over your Dickie

You're only likely to spill if your decide the embarrassment value of the Frasier method might help. But the ice water really does give you that extra oomph.

Here's an interesting "scientific" explanation of why you might get suggestions for acupuncture, homeopathy, aroma therapy, yoga, etc. when you're feeling ill. It is conceivable that some pathogens target gullible hosts.

http://youtu.be/8b32c7uan5U
From Bad Ad Hoc Fest 2014 (An hilarious symposium of scientific hypthoses based on bad ad hoc assumptions.)