h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or judge a book by its cover. Or something.

I got a piece of junk mail from a company by the name of Arbitron (it was printed on the envelope). My first reaction was 'Fer cryin' out loud, who dreams up these awful names? It sounds like a...' but I never actually worked out what it sounds like. A planet saved from annihilation by Dan Dare? Some kind of weapon from Patrick Troughton's period as Doctor Who? An automated justice delivery device invented by Douglas Adams?' (that's my odds-on favourite, by the way).

My second reaction was 'Junk mail, toss it in the recycling box'.

But my hand was stayed by the words "A media ratings leader since 1949" on the envelope. The date is unimportant, other than thinking that I doubt anyone would have thought of calling their business 'Arbitron' in 1949*. I have to find out what kind of tosh this is. Dear Bob in heaven, how I despise marketing and market research in all its forms.

So I opened the envelope, ready to vent my spleen at these pillocks when what do I find in there? Well, it looks like a pair of dollar bills. Hold it up to the light, put my stronger glasses on... it doesn't look like schneid rhino to me, I think it's real.

And then I read the accompanying letter: "The enclosed two dollars is our way of saying thank you for considering our request." So it *is* kosher! *THINKS* Maybe I'm not the only person in the complex who got one of these but maybe I am one of the few people who bothered to open it. *MORE THINKS* A week or two ago when it was cold I took a load of junk mail from the recycling bin next to the mailboxes for burning in the fireplace, and when I picked up my mail this morning on the way back from buying some food, the bin was overflowing. I could be quids-in if only 10% of the people tossed away their Arbitron envelope

Alas, that wasn't the case (although I do now have a nice big pile of paper ready for burning should it turn cold again). I suppose if they're bunging two bucks into envelopes such as this they probably don't send one to every apartment in a complex like mine, just a few randomly (maybe not so randomly?) chosen households

*They didn't. According to Wikipedia, "It was founded as the American Research Bureau by Jim Seiler in 1949 and became national by merging with Los Angeles-based Coffin, Cooper, and Clay in the early 1950s. The company's initial business was the collection of broadcast television ratings. The company changed its name to Arbitron in the mid-1960s, the namesake of the Arbitron System, a centralized statistical computer with leased lines to viewers' homes to monitor their activity." and "On December 18, 2012, The Nielsen Company announced that it would acquire Arbitron, its only competitor, for US$1.26 billion. The acquisition closed on September 30, 2013, and the company was re-branded as Nielsen Audio."

And if you're wondering what I'm doing up at 3am, I fell asleep on the sofa (again) until 11pm and am now wide awake and not in the least bit tired

And I've just read a bit more of that Wikipedia entry:

Portable People Meter

Responding to requests from its customers — radio broadcasters, ad agencies and advertisers — that expressed their interest in the collection of more accurate ratings data, Arbitron introduced the Portable People Meter (PPM) service in 2007.


Portable People Meter... what does that remind me of? Oh yeah. "'Let's build robots with Genuine People Personalities' they said. So they tried it out with me. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you?"

Ha, so it is a Douglas Adams thing

Arbitron...I'm imagining Arbitron as an ass-kicking transformer, who presides over a labour arbitration court or something.

"Please, Arbitron! Only you can save us! "

Arbitron ratings we're well known decades ago when people still listened to broadcast radio.