h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I (and you should look away now if you're eating or have just eaten or are about to eat or will ever eat again) practice your method TC - I mostly just wipe away what dribbles out, but like you say, once in a while you have to empty your hooter.

Any road up, I'm feeling much better this morning, at least as far as the cold symptoms are concerned, but now the tickly-throat coughing begins

I always find, with actual blowing of ones nose, it messes my hearing up.... suspect its to do with pressure in the inner ear, and mucous moving about and blocking off ones eustation tubes... err, however they're spelt Either that, or its leftover pixis, elfs and gnomes, inside the nasal area, playing silly buggers...

I think we'd all be a lot better off without eustonstation tubes. What was Almighty Bob thinking when he came up with that idea? Must have been at the time I wouldn't be surprised to find

Yeh... tell me about it... mine are nearly constnatly blocked these days... and sinuses... I mean... asides just hurting and messing up ones hearing what do they do...

I've heard people say our heads would explode without them. I don't believe it - scaremongering rubbish. The Daily Mail probably thinks they give us cancer. Or it's all because of of immigrants, coming over here, taking our mucus. Alex Jones probably thinks they're a government plot to keep us in control. Unless it's something to do with the Illuminati.

Which it probably is.

I swear the next time my sinsuses really* play UP, I'm gona buy a really tiny drill bit for my drill, and fix it once and for all, myself

Are there any sweet factories near where you live, or maybe an apothecary? When I worked was making sweets in Lancashire all those years ago I'd take home a few menthol crystals and a little eucalyptus oil if I had a cold or was feeling bunged up, boil some water, put it in a bowl along with the menthol and eucalyptus, put a towel over my head and breathe in the fumes.

Worked a treat

I have my very own jar of menthol crystals, on the shelf in the kitchen above the kettle! always to hand... sometimes they help, but a lot of the time, if I get really bad sinuses, there just ain't no way any* air is entering my nose, with or without the presence of methol crystal vapours

In that case what you need is a length of four by two, preferably English oak, applied to the forehead with great force. If that don't shift it nothing will.

Would a brick wall suffice?

Depends how hard you can run at it.

run? err. run?
*thinks*
nope... can't think for a minute, what 'run' might be....

You had me worried for a minute, wondering what you were going to suggest in connection with a nose full of mucus and a nearby sweet factory.

I just get my menthol crystals from Boots or superdrug I did almost make the mistake of getting crystal meth instead, but really, buying medacine from blokes in the pub, is rarely a good idea...

Depends on your point of view

Methidone is good for sinuses too... well, at least I seem to recall you can't care about any pain or any other sensations when you've had enough of it I had some seriously good 'trips' and 'highs' when I was a critically ill patient But probably didn't appreciate them as much as I otterwise might have, being that I was really quite ill at the time