h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, really, everything. Even my eyeballs.

If you want to get someone to talk, put them inside a round metal tank no more than ten feet in diameter with a floor that curves down gently, but noticeably, to the middle so that it's impossible to find a flat surface to stand on, and with a surface inside that has a satin finish which makes the eyes go

I guarantee that within a week they'll be singing like a bird If you bang on the sides of the tank incessantly you'll probably get a result within 24 hours.

I can say that with some authority (apart from the banging on the sides bit) because that's where I've been for the last four days, eight hours a day, resurfacing the inside of a stainless steel beer tank - walls, top and bottom. I've been doing some work for a bloke who builds, repairs and maintains brewery equipment in Austin. Power tools were involved, and lots of bending, reaching and stretching. Much, much more than I've done for a long time. It's noisy, dirty, dusty and back-breaking, especially when working on the floor, which I did yesterday, and my hamstrings got a stretching they haven't had for years.

But it sure beats dealing with the public and the money's damn good. No, really, really good. This bloke is snowed under with work and he wants to throw some of it my way, as a sub contractor, which means I'm self-employed again And that means I'm no longer having to worry about my CV telling employers that I'm only eight years away from retirement and therefore not as good a prospect for hiring as someone younger than me.

You can say that you're an equal opportunity employer, and the government can make laws against age/sex/race discrimination, but it happens every day

Sounds like work for much younger bodies.

I can't deny that. I wish I could

That does sound very hard on the brain as well as the body. But, as you say, money is always handy.

The pay gets better the crappier the work gets! How often will you have to do this if he's sending some work your way?

age/sex discrimination happens with horrible regularity. Not sure about if my "race" plays a part because I do look a lot like the locals

but that work sounds horribly physical.

As to the torture method, there's a book called - hmm, I can't remember and now I can't remember who it's by either. But anyway it's a cold war thing. And one man (spy) is imprisoned behind the iron curtain and tortured/conditioned by having a metal bucket put over his head and then the outside is bashed with sticks.

This happens at varying intervals for varying amounts of time and intensity. And then there is a show trial where he seems ok until a soldier "accidentally" drops his rifle, and the clattering noise it makes freaks the spy out into admitting everything. He's a total wreck, and I can well believe it.

It is definitely physical, Sho, and I don't mind that at all, or rather, I won't mind it once my body, which has spent most of the last 12 months doing... not very much, gets used to it. I've spent most of my working life in physical jobs. I like physical jobs because they help to keep you fit, and they help to keep the weight down (and I could stand to lose a little of that right now ). It's very satisfying to come home tired after a hard day's graft with no thoughts of any need to 'keep fit' (gym or running) and no worries about counting calories, because of the energy you expended during the day.

While it's certainly true that I'm not as young as I was the last time (almost 15 years ago) I spent my days carrying sofas and wardrobes up flights of stairs, this job doesn't involve quite that much physicality.

Mina, it'll be a full time job by the sound of it. With the number of breweries that have sprung up in and around Austin during the past five years, and with him having a good reputation and track record, he's in demand. He's been looking for some help for a while, apparently, but from what I hear no-one's stuck at it because it's dirty, noisy, and hard work. This is where age works in my favour because all the people who have let him down in that way have been young. Kids today don't want to work hard, it seems.

There is a fly in the ointment... well, two I guess. Firstly, it's the kind of work where I really should have my own transport, and I've managed to avoid driving since I came here in 1999. Secondly, he wants me to learn how to weld, and that's something that scares me a little. When I was making furniture I was dealing with things that weigh pounds. Welding often involves things that weigh tons, and the consequences are far greater and much more costly if you get it wrong

We'll see how it goes. Right now it's looking pretty good. He has a workshop where he does a lot of reconditioning of tanks, and that's dead easy for me to get to on the bus. He has all the tools, so I only have to provide the muscle with which to operate them.

Oh, and one other thing - you have to wear a respirator when you're grinding off the inside surface of a stainless steel tank. Not only does it keep the metal dust out of your lungs, it also keeps the pollen out of your nose - a definite plus at this time of the year

Unexpected bonus!

By the way, I did manage to acquire my first injury over the weekend I sanded off a piece of skin on my wrist about the size of a 5p/dime Just a little road rash. Tis but a scratch. I've had worse No really, I have. You should have seen the burn I got off a splash of boiling sugar that time

you're as bad as he is covered in scars on his hands and arms - mostly knife wounds and fat splash scars.

I didn't realise you'd left the last place. I'm not sure I'd want to do that full time myself...

I'm not sure I do, but man, the money's good. And if I'm working on a tank at a brewery rather than at the workshop there's this:

"Are you finished? Great. As soon as you've cleaned up and changed out of that overall pour yourself a beer or two."