h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Feline: need a pet? need pet food or other pet supply? if not, go away 'cause that's all we have.

we have a wide array of pets. sure we have dogs and cats if that's what you want, or maybe you'd rather have something a little more interesting and different.

My spinning top disappeared down the plughole

Don't have another do you? I'd like a green..male one.

Feline: sure do, Gagdreek lent me some of his. if you ever find your other maybe you could have little baby tops.

here's a healthy little one. he likes to spin counter-clockwise.

To whom it may concern: I am in the market for two Paratwa-bio-munchkins, one male and one female. Please send all response to VALIS420. Thank you and continue about your lives.

Feline: are you selling those things Valis420?

No, I am in the market, however if I come about them first, I'll be sure to let you know.

Hi, It's me again. I am looking for a miniature Jackelope, preferably an albino female. ( They tend to be more personable than males. )
Please let me know if one can be located. Will pay top dollar. Thanx.

Feline: a jackalope ah? albino? hmmm, i may have to order one of those. we only have one male jackalope and he's not albino. I'll let you know when we get one.

Thank you so much!!

*DARK GRAY walks in holding a clipboard. Just outside the store he left a bunch of cages*

DARK GRAY: I got your shipment of magical animals and one miniature female albino Jackelop.

Feline: that was fast. i better let Valis420 know her Jackelop has come in.

Wow, Great! When can I come pick her up?
*eyes light up like Christmas morning*

Feline: anytime is fine.

Marvelous, with what may I repay you?

Feline: money of course

*drops wad of bills on counter*

*starts to leave, returns to counter, drops a few more bills*

Thanx, I appreciate the timely response.

Hi. Do you carry intelligent large-eared ultra-violet chameleons? Also, I'm looking for a snail or a slug of some sort (preferably one that can hold up its end of the conversation) that will feed on the algae that's collecting on the bottom and sides of my babelfish's tank... I'm hoping the snail and the salamander will be able to provide enough linguistic energy to keep Physch in nutrients when I'm away.

Uhh... how much is this all going to run me in Canadian currency?
*K squinches eyes shut and waits, bracing herself for the answer*

K

Feline: oh sure, we have plenty of those. come and take your pick.

we have pgegrgian snails who love having intellectual conversations with other beings. we have chameleons with varying degrees of intelligence.
price? well its a reasonable price. or you could make a trade of some sort. wait, let me see...
*Adds up the price of the animals and the food needed.*

the total is one hundred and fifty dollars and twenty-two cents or five somethings and three whatsits. OR one left arm.

Hmmm - sounds reasonable. Umm... well, I AM right handed, but I think I need my left arm, for balance and symmetry if nothing else.

I have five somethings, take your pick of orange or hypercolour. Now, if you accept the antique 1912 Whatsit model - it really is quite a buy, but since my heffalumps passed away, I don't really use them - I have 4 in mint condition. How about I give you all four whatsits (since they're antique and only compatible with the old Heffalump carriers), and the five somethings. Will that suffice?

I would like a chameleon who has enough linguistic intelligence to feed a babelfish, but not so smart as to go over the snail's head.

Do we have a deal?

Feline: sure thing!

i hope you enjoy your new pets and have a nice day. Be sure not to leave your snail out in the sun.

would you like a bag for that? oh... uh, i guess not.

Thanks Feline - wonderful doing business with you. g'day!