h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey, have you seen my cat? You're omnipotent and all, so I thought that you could open your third eye and have a look for him. He's ginger, has an extra leg and goes by the name of Dennis. While your at it, could you turn a few of the nastier types into salt or some other condiment? ps Loved the bit where you smote Mephistopheles in the last chapter...who's your agent?

Look, I'm glad you're a fan, but I should fill you in on a few things:

You're better off trying the fire brigade to find your cat - the damn thing is probably up a tree somewhere.

While I did enjoy turning people into pillars of salt in my earlier days, there's a serious problem with salinity in agricultural regions here in Australia, so it doesn't go down well any more.

I'm also disappointed that I can't smite people nearly as often as I'd like. You just have to be so careful - it's really easy to get sued for frivolous and vexatious smitings.

But thanks for your interest...