h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I decided to be as frank as possible with my two sons, which I firmly believe is the right approach. No stories of storks or gooseberry bushes.
Right from the start, body parts were given their correct anatomical names. Children's books such as 'The Body Book' by Claire Rayner introduced basic functions. Questions were answered as honestly as possible, as the topic arose in daily life, trying to deduce from the lack of attention when we'd been too detailed or said enough! We also strove to talk about relationships & emotions when suitable opportunities arose. This was complemented by a good sex education programme at their primary school.
By the time they reached their teens, when asked, both said the sex education at school didn't tell them anything new.

Did it work?
There were a few problems...
My husband was more embarrassed than me - we both found it easier when each alone with the children.
My elder son started school knowing he had a penis, but not sure what a willy was.
Having given my younger son (aged about 7), on request, a brief description of 'how to make a baby' while driving (he in the back seat), I was convulsed when he responded with 'how am I going to remember all that when I grow up?'.

As far as I know, both the boys have been able to ask us what they wanted to know and we were gratified to be confidantes when my elder son had his heart broken. So I feel fairly confident that our approach has at least been OK. I don't think any amount of education can really prepare you for the reality.

Being frank really is the best way. I've always tried to be as open as open as possible with my little boy and answer his questions as he asks them. He's 9 now n knows how babies are made, a bit about relationships, what periods are, what a condom is for, a bit about diseases etc etc. I'm proud of how mature he is when discussing such subjects too and happy to know he feels he can ask me anything.

Simply tell them the truth! That´s what I did with my three hatchlings.

Of course you must adjust the information given to the age of the kid. A three year old is fully satisfied with the answer "from Mummy´s tummy" when s/he asks from where s/he comes.

My kids are grown up now, and (at least as far as I know) none of them have messed up their lifes with unwanted pregnancies/STI:s. I think that a well informed kid - from the very beginning - is the best way of minimize STI:s/unwanted pregnancies/abortions in the long run.

However, the funny thing is that the hatchlings are more embarrased than me to discuss these matters!

So far, :

Babies grow in mummies' tummies (but they might not always work)

The baby feeds and breathes through the umbilical cord, which makes the tummy button

The sperm from dad joins with the egg in mum to start a baby.

The mum could make a baby each month and the body gets ready by building up a lot of blood to give the baby food. When the baby isn't made, the mum has a period. Towels and tampons are used for periods.

The baby comes out of the mummy's bottom when it's born

All from child - led questions apart from 'but they might not always work'

Having said in another thread that I contributed in no way whatsoever to my children's education on the "facts of life" (as we used to call it), I, like Teasswill, have absolutely no problem discussing intimacy with my children. (I would do with my parents, because they are really quite ignorant on the subject; this they admit themselves)

Also, like DragonQueen - I'm prepared to go further in such conversations than they are.

(I have three boys, 25,22 and 17) And so far, no grandchildren .....that I am aware of)

About my parents' ignorance:

Comment from my father on the birth of his first grandson (I was 27)

"Fancy our little girl being able to have a baby!"

My mother told me my father had planted a seed in her. I found it very confusing. I found out the real facts of life at school when we had one of those menstruation talks and 'period information' packs given to us.

well i ummmed and i ahhhed about this, but eventually i just told the children that i bought them from a laboratory that was about to sell them for medical experiments, and so i saved them in the nick of time from a life full of probing and having make-up applied to places that make-up really shouldn't be applied......all very gruesome stuff!.........i'm not really sure if they believed this, but it made them laugh and that's what's important i think....

'how am I going to remember all that when I grow up?'

I've done everything with little as described in posts 1-5 with the exception of describing what happens during a period. I actally like petuniapetals' description, so I might try it with him. So far, it's been described a bit euphemistically as 'moon time' and he knows that a type of 'nappy' is needed for the blood during this time.

I agree with the 'need to know' theory. Children should't be given too much information to pickle their heads and cause unnecessary worry.

My 10yo daughter is aware of her body parts and indeed that she is entering puberty which will result in her having periods, however, I didn't feel she was ready to hear the actual detailed 'how babies are made' speech.

She does not want to grow up as it is and is not at all interested in boys beyond playing football with them, so I feel the 'knowledge' will make her self conscious and maybe even uncomfortable, so I think I'll keep that for another day.

Every child will want to know at a different stage but I basically think if you take it in simple steps and they're happy with the conversaion they'll keep asking their specific questions until they've heard enough - or as much as they need to know for that stage in their lives.

It's true that children aren't necessarily interested, but once they are in their teens & going through puberty, they do become more self-concious & embarrassed about the topic, which makes it more difficult for them to ask about it.

If they've been given basic outline of the process at an earlier age, it perhaps provides an easier springboard for more detail later.

yes, also provides a springboard for discussing safe sex!

Fizzymouse,

As long as your daughter feels she *can* ask you, all should be well. If she's too embarrassed, things may be different.

We have no secrets, and I've always tried to be as truthful as possible, like when she was really young and asked me to promise I wouldn't die. I couldn't do it, I just explained that everyone would die and we'd just have to hope it wouldn't be for a very very long time - I couldn't bear to lie to her.

Same with the sex thing, but when I first started to broach the subject of puberty with her - because she is beginning to develop - she would put her fingers in her ears and sing loudly - and boy can she sing loudly. She just didn't want to know and did say outright that she didn't want to grow up.

Its about a year later and we've discussed the puberty thing. She now seems happy with the concept - when the reality kicks in I don't know how she'll feel. She does speak candidly to me about all this stuff and I hope she always can, she does seem to understand that we've all been through it and I think thats half the battle.

I just feel at the moment the actual ins and outs of the 'big sex act' would worry her unduly and think that by the time she starts to menstruate she'll be about ready to hear that one.