h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tonight was Father's day. A guy walked in today who wanted someone to vent to. It seems his brother killed himself last year. It was his brother's birthday today. He said that his brother killed himself because he was molested as a child by a police officer he knew and trusted. The police officer was convicted of molesting 3 other boys but, due to the injustice system he only served four months of
an 18 - months sentence. I empathized, but I did not want to see his anger. I did not want to hear his need for vengeance. I did not
accept his pain as an excuse for drunkenness or ranting to myself or to my other customers. I had to warn him not to bother the other
people in the bar, that they did not need to share his burden. Eventually I had to make him leave. As a bartender I accept that I have to listen to the problems of others, and as a human being I feel compassion toward those in pain, but I was obligated by my position as a server/host/security guard to hold him at a distance in order to protect others from his sorrow and his anger. I could not be his friend, his shrink, or his priest. The result was that his pain was unabated, and I could do nothing to change that except to say how sorry I was and that I understood his anger. I also suffered because I was denied the ability to reach out and share my self with him. His story made me feel sad and frustrated but I could not open myself up to him and share my pain. I could not offer him comfort. I could only listen and maintain that good-listener look of minimal concern. The forced detachment we tend to adopt when faced with the pain of others is harmful to ourselves and to them. If only we could allow ourselves the freedom to share each others sorrows they would not become such a heavy burden to bear. With each denial of this comfort, our own burden increases and the distance between each individual grows.

Oh oldpinkdog. Totally agree there. If only more people communicated effectively with one another and shared their pain and emotion. I am luck to have good friends with whom I can link up to and share each others' problems with. The skill of empathy is so important these days. I work as a Counselling Psychologist and see many people who do not have *anyone* to share their grief, thoughts etc. with, so I take on that role. If only more people had friends to open up to and be honest with i think we would cope much better. Sounds like your job involves a lot of counselling.... If you need to off load you know where to come.