h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oooohhh... you are interested in myrmecology... I was going to mention it in the F&F but thought you might just go 'huh?'

I'm thinking of starting up a webpage about ants, with a webcam viewing a microscope looking into an ant colony.
My father did a whole load of ant research in university, mainly on wood ants and leaf-cutter ants. I don't know a lot myself and haven't studied them in detail but I think they're cool

I like the JavaScript ants very much!

Thank you Peregrine. I am glad you think ants are cool. Personally, I am a bit wary of birds of prey but I am sure we can be friends.

There are some webcams pointed at ant farms available on the web but they never seem to be working when I try to view them.

Ah well... the Peregrine is very fond of pigeons, who are very fond of ants... (well, so I claim)

I've been trying to think of the best thing to point my webcam at and an ant nest is my favourite idea. There's a black ant nest just outside our back door - they made a motorway into the lounge where I had an empty bottle of champagne - which I could view, but an indoors ant farm would be a better bet, although I don't know what the landlord would say

Champagne drinking ants? Almost certainly related to me

I have to have the written permission of my landlord to keep a pet. Would this apply to each and every ant in a farm? Or could it all be done on one piece of paper? And what about the woodlice. Am I illegally subletting?

Only if they're paying you rent. Are the woodlice paying rent? If so, you're very fortunate. I can't get a penny out of mine.

Is this the forum you mean to put the Pharaoh stuff in, Amy. Or were you referring to one yet to be set up?

Feel free to use this one, Mugwump. Peregrine started this one while we were still in negotiations.

Claim that since they hold a group intellect, they can be classed as one pet.

Good point as long as I don't get classed as 1/10millionth of an intellect.

Ok, transfer about to begin . . . (remember I've only been here for about a week so if I make any errors, don't shout at me).

Doesn't the life expectancy of the ant depend on what type of ant it is? OR since ant swarms are super-organisms, perhaps the life expectancy of the queen is the important thing. OR since, in most species of ants, the whole nest is doomed once the queen's dead, perhaps it's the life expectancy of the colony that's important. Amy's the ant, so what does Amy say?

To which Amy replied: The life expectancy of an average ant is probably greater than the life expectancy of an average mugwump. But I'm not an average ant. Are you an average mugwump -- if that's what you really are? Of course you could be Mugwump the Salamander in disguise. That would (a) make sense and (b) change everything.

Then S the Mugwump said: Well, I don't know about that. My average life expectancy will be however long I live because I'm not an average mugwump. All the mugwumps I've ever met have been very stuck-up, self-important specimens so I don't mix with them (and they don't want to know me) - their loss!

So you're not average either then? Are you a queen? If so, I humbly beg your pardon for being so forward as to enquire - it's so hard to tell without recourse to pheromones.

I might be in disguise - sort of working undercover so to speak but, since it's you, I'll let you know how you can tell, for future reference. Mugwumps are vertical (when they're awake) and salamanders are horizontal except sometimes when they're swimming and trying to get something very stubborn out from under a rock. I'm vertical but a bit cold and clammy to the touch - that's how you tell.

It's been nice talking to you, your highness (or your unusualness). May you live long and may your nest prosper.

Then Dr E Vibenstein scratched his head thoughtfully, and Mugwump warned: I don't mean to interfere but scratching your head thoughtfully like that could be mistaken for stridulations by an ant, who might take some action in response to what you seem to be saying. Actually, forget what I just said, if it does sound like stridulations, as a part of ant language, it's likely to come out as complete gibberish. Sorry to have interrupted your thoughts.


*Amy stroked antennae thoughtfully*

Misunderstandings of that sort between entities are rare because we nearly all have babelfish

However, I can see how might cause you some difficulty.

I like the idea of "unusualness" as an entity-title

I am not a queen. Please consult my Guide Entry on Pharaoh Ants for further explanation.


S the M replied: I'm going to have a look at your guide entry. I'm just trying to visualise an ant making use of a bable fish. It conjures up an interesting image, I can tell you.

The Mugwump left the room briefly . . .

Amy explained: Babelfish come in all sizes. I use one of those newfangled microscopic ones myself. You know the type with the top that flips open.

I had a look at your guide entry. Lovely! Lovely pictures too. I had a close look at your side view but couldn't quite see the bable fish so, as you say, it must be absolutely microscopic. Will you add to the entry - tell us more about your family and their habits?

I see what you mean about not being an average ant. I think pharaoh queens live for about 9 or 10 months but you must already be older than that - and you're a worker! Although you freely admit to frequenting bars and restaurants, there's no mention of your family's recently acquired habit of squatting in the walls of kitchens - especially in some of the more salubrious abodes in London. You might also mention your expansionist military ambitions. And . . . how should I put this (with as much delicacy as I can muster), we, your public, would like to know about the pharaoh ants' methods of reproduction and colonisation of new areas. I note with interest that you eat pizza and drink red wine (both excellent choices) but do other pharaohs? In short, this is fascinating stuff and the Mugwump for one and probably many many others, would like to know more.

Amy agreed thusly: Thank you for your kind words, Mugwump. Would you care to copy and paste some of it into a new forum for my Pharaoh Ant article? That way I can separate the questions about ants from the completely inexplicable interest in my vintage.

Amy .

The Mugwump agreed to cut and paste and then it was now!

Some of the things this nosey Mugwump would be interested to know about Pharaoh Ants, if you'd be prepared to divulge the information:

How long have you pharaohs been around, where did you hail from, what's your life-cycle, how do you colonise new areas, what's your caste system, how, where and what size do you construct your nests, what size population can a colony of pharaohs grow to, what's your diet, how do you communicate, do you farm, do you enslave other ant species, do you have camp followers (myrmecophiles), who are your enemies, what weapons do you have, what distinguishes you from other ant species, what's the secret of your success and anything else you can think of. Please.

Wow, Mugwump. I'm very impressed by this cut and paste job! I'll answer your questions just as soon as I have an hour or two to spare.

Thanks for the interest

You've probably been asked this about ten million times already on H2G2... but have you seen 'Antz'?

Strangely you are the first to ask me that. Yes, of course I've seen Antz. It is much better than A Bug's Life although I enjoyed both of them.

Strangely you are the first to ask me that. Yes, of course I've seen Antz. It is much better than A Bug's Life although I enjoyed both of them.