h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We have a book on Cat Care, and it mentions one method of artificial resuscitation that doesn't appear in this article. Provided that the cat is uninjured (e.g., it's stopped breathing because it was drowning), take hold of the cat by its back legs and swing it in a vertical circle. Do not swing it round your head horizontally, and be careful not to bash the cat's head on the ground. The book includes a picture of a vet performing this procedure. The book is recommended by the BCVS (British College of Veterinary Surgeons), so I assume it's OK. I know it was used by James Herriot, who was a qualified vet should have known what he was doing.

Artificial resuscitation should never be performed on any creature that's still breathing, just as CPR should never be performed if there is any pulse. The advantage of the article's methods is that they may be performed if the animal has been injured, provided that the injuries are not to the chest.

I see...okay, I thought you were about making a bad joke.

No, I am serious. Apparently swinging a cat (I think it also works with small dogs) forces air into the lungs.

Swing your cat in the air..swing it like you just don't care..oeh!

Sounds suspiciously like Spike Milligan's "CATapult"

My "Book of the Cat" also has the "swinging method" included. On one occasion, my cat BJ appeared to be choking (he'd been sick shortly before this) and I held him upside down and slapped him hard on the back which resulted in a vile brackish mixture errupting all over my kitchen floor and cupboards. As it turned out, he was suffereing from "Key Gaskell Syndrome" (I think that's how you spell it) and my action may have saved his life, as he stopped being sick after this and was able to keep a small amount of fluid down, although he was very ill for about six months. This was in the early 1980's and my vet told me that BJ was one of three cats out of two hundred he'd treated with this illness who had survived. It was never found out what the cause of this illness was and, thankfully it seems to have fizzled itself out. Fortunately, it didn't appear to be contagious and spread to my five other cats and BJ enjoyed another 8 years of life, although he was always slightly frail.

That syndrome sounds... yummy. (sarcasm here)

apparently a similar procedure works with ferrets... hold them upsidedown by back legs and swing from side to side. im reliably assured that it works