h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have seen quite a few psychologists in my time and find they are people who are more in need of a psychologist than I ever was.
They come in 3 categories;
1/ Those that want power over helpless people.
2/ Those who want the status that a consultancy brings and who will fight for the maintenance of that status.
3/ Those who want to feel adequate.
Psychology is as prone to fashion as the Pop world, perhaps even more so.
It was only 40 years ago that Leucotomy was hailed as a panacea, 30 years ago it was Largactil and its familiars, all touted by the drug companies who gave expensive freebies to any medical man who would promote their products and lie to their patients as to what these drugs would do for them. Now it is Psychotherapy, especially cognitive therapy. And just how good is that?
Psychotherapists do not want to speak their patients language, their patients have to learn theirs. Only 1 out of 10 has any idea of what they are doing and they are not intelligent people at all. I have only met one with any sort of residual intellect but he was not a caring person. Sad really. Avoid them.

Isn't there a fourth category -- those who studied psychology in order to try and understand themselves?

I heard a good psychiatrist joke the other day. Four psychoanalysts met at a conference and chatted about their problems. They dealt with the ghastly problems of the world, they said, but who could be counted on to be sympathetic to their own problems?

They decided to give each other a group counselling session, and went straight away to a quiet hotel room where they wouldn't be disturbed or overheard.

The first confessed that he had no sympathy for his patients at all. He was just in it for the money. He felt much better once he had been able to verbalise this, and the others had not shown him any hostility because of it. He relaxed and brightened up visibly.

The second confessed, with rising emotion and much heat, that not only had he no sympathy for his patients, he hated and despised them all, and harboured desires to do them physical damage. The others were perfectly sympathetic to this and he felt much better, indeed he laughed his head off and they all joined in.

The third was encouraged, after much painful shivering and groaning, to confess that he had actually murdered a client, and successfully covered it up. No-one turned a hair at this revelation, and he broke down in tears of relief to have finally got it off his chest. Hugs all round.

The fourth, heartened by the support shown to the others, frankly confessed that he felt inadequate in his job. He knew he was missing one essential requirement for any psychiatrist: try as he might, he never could keep a secret.

The others looked at him. A silence descended.