h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

not so much for me as for -hubs.

His younger brother called just after Christmas to let us know that he has cancer, which is inoperable and terminal.

-hubs has been over once or twice to visit but at the weekend we got a call to say "come quick".

We managed to get him a flight over on Monday evening - the Gruesomes were very upset saying goodbye at the airport - and arrived very late but in time to go to the hospice. General opinion is "it won't be long now"

Yesterday it seemed that the bro was receiving high doses of painkillers, but he was fighting against them because it was making him sleepy. He didn't want to go to sleep because he thought (probably correctly) that he would never wake up.

At some point yesterday the doc said to -hubs that the bro had come to terms with where he is and what's about to happen, and stopped fighting the drugs.

Now he is sleeping, and I am just waiting for the call to say he's gone. -hubs is absolutely in bits. 2 of their sisters, a niece, his son and ex-wife are there, plus a childhood (from the maternity ward onwards) friend. I think he's not aware of his surroundings any more, but I hope they can help each other through this.

In the meantime I'm at home with the Gruesomes who have to be here for school, wondering how the heck single parents cope having to do all of this all of the time

It all pales into insignificance, though.

I'm putting this here in case I'm offline for a while, or online and acting peculiarly.

So sorry to hear about hubs brother, Sho.

It's always sad when anyone dies, but when a young person goes before their time it's especially poignant.

It's awful really, especially because of his little boy, he's only 8 or 9 (I feel bad, I *should* know how old my nephew is)

Sending good vibes to your sister-in-law, btw, I saw she's going to start chemo.

It's awful for children that young to lose a parent - but your nephew will get through it. I know this from personal experience.

The most important thing is for adults to allow him to talk about his father and what's happened - if he wants to.
Also important is making sure the lad doesn't think he's responsible - kids get some funny ideas - and again, I know this from personal experience. I'm sending him good vibes too.

I had a v interesting conversation with the plastic surgeon who was unlucky enough to be seated next to me on the plane on Sunday. He knows the surgeon who was doing my S-i-L's surgery - and reckons she's an ace, described her as 'meticulous'. So it sounds like she was in good hands.

He will be fine, but I think he'll do better if -hubs' side of the family can keep in contact - right now that's all looking shakey.

In any case: he will have to learn to live with this, somehow, and all I can do from here is hope that everything goes well.

I'm taking the phone to bed with me - I really don't know at this stage if I hope to get the call, or if it is better if he hangs on for another day.

We really are tiny insignificant specs on the face of the universe. It's a strange feeling, isn't it?

Sho, I really feel for you.

It's lovely that he has so many people around him and I'm sure he knows they're there somehow.

You're doing a great job with the Gruesomes - a vital part in the chain as hubby plays out his role elsewhere.

Jules

Sending thoughts of peace and strength to you and your family Sho.

Thanks all.
-hubs brother died today just after lunchtime.
He will be more than fondly remembered, and greatly missed.

Jules

Sho, I'm sorry for your loss.
I wish there was something else I could say.

It's impossible to know what to say in these situations, isn't it?

I called the -hubs tonight and he said everyone over there is OK - I guess it would be worse if we hadn't all known it was coming.

I guess they're going to have a really raucous wake. Ian would have enjoyed that.

for you all.

You're going to have to be very diplomatic with the Gruesomes, but please be careful not to "tidy up" the details, and never, ever, lie to them.

They might bombard you with questions - or they might be very quiet.
I'd be wary of the quiet. They will have conflicting emotions, they won't like seeing your grief but it's important not to hide it. They will also realize that they too are mortal (and so are you) and may get angry at the thought of losing you.
Keep a close eye on them, and please don't forget your hubs, this loss is life-changing and I'm thankful that you both have each other and a strong marriage, you have each other for support and can deal with this.

I'm glad your brother-in-law is out of pain and so sorry for your loss as a family.

Single parents...oh Sho. I hope and pray you never find out just how hard and lonely that is.

I didn't equate the massive temper tantrum yesterday with the bad news I'd given her.


And again, hats off to single parents everywhere. I honestly don't know how they stay sane.