h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Phantom cuckoos
Three times today, the last at midnight. It's happened before - about 4.00am a couple of weeks ago. It's not nice, not at all nice, being woken up by a phantom doorbell at that time of am.

Doorbells are bad. I did without for decades enough. The battery's not accessible to remove at night. Somewhere soundproof to bury it is needed - wonder how it would do in the freezer?

This is all Pete-over-the-road's fault. If it goes off at 4.00am this morning something profanity-filtering will be said and it'll be out the window. I reckon I could just about land it in his veg patch. See how he likes phantom cuckoos from under the rhubarb.


It was a cheap doorbell, off eBay... I could get half a dozen of them... set them all to different sounds... put them all along Pete's hedge... keep the buttons over here...



Moving on (for the time being).


Crit Run.
The start line's here A16273820. We have six runners so far, no training's required, just spiked shoes... what are you waiting for, c'mon

I'm confused. Is the doorbell going off by itself or is someone ringing it as a practical joke?

As young children, ten or so, we liked to ring doorbells and run, but never after nine. We weren't allowed out after nine.

Going off by itself, I'm almost certain. It's one of these wireless ones. There are all sorts of possibilities for those you know. Going to speak to HR about getting one for the boss. He wears the speaker bit, we keep the press-button bit. Bob's your uncle, we can track him down.

Big Ben chime for him, I think. Same system, but William Tell, for the Chief Steward.


Weird thing, I woken up by a knock on the door this morning - and that can't have been real.


Ringing bells and running ... never did it with doors. But you remember those strips across garage forecourts that rang bells in the attendant's office? The challenge there was to get enough kids to land at the same time to set it off, and to leg it to the railings with enough time for that many kids to squeeze through.

Lady C and her mates were a bit rowdier than My group. We didn't ring doorbells and run. Heck, I'm trying to remember if anyone we knew even had a doorbell.

Another item on the 'things to do' list then?

Spring meet afternoon activity? There are some classy doorbells in London.

I'll bet there are! I can see the headlines...."Phantom Bellringers Hit Kensington"

So, are you going to sign up for the Meet? I'm thinking that if it is the 28th April (h2g2's b'day), I can probably arrange to stay until the 11th May (Towel Day) which might work out for the cricket match. It could work.

And that would put me in Blighty for my own b'day, which would be sort of nice. Someting to remember.

We also knocked on doors and ran. I won't tell you what we called that. It is definitely politically incorrect!
We made prank phone calls and played "pocketbook". That involved tying a heavy piece of string to the handle of an old purse and placing it in the road. When someone stopped to pick up the purse, we reeled in the string. Heard lots of colorful language playing pocketbook.

i like this - it reminds me of a neat childhood prank
which was to stick a thumbtack above someone's lighted
front window, attach a thread to it, hang a little weight
on it about a foot down, hide behind a wall or hedge and
pulling on the long end of the thread, go tap tap until
someone stirred and came out - of course there would be
no one there - try that on me now and I'd break the little
bugger's neck !

Hyp, the Meet ... are you going to go doorbell ringing? Because that might be unmissable.


I certainly want to make it south sometime while you're there. It will have to wait till nearer the time - there's something on up north (possibly) from the 23rd to 27th, which doesn't rule out the 28th, but makes it difficult.

Tapping at the window is much worse than doorbells. No one round here had better try that! Much more ingenious than just pressing a bell though.

As I remember, you didn't actually have to do more than be spotted in Glasgow, the only place we ever were with the opportunity for this sort of thing, to find yourself being yelled at and running. A lot of back yards and gardens were only separated by railings and you got to know where you could slip through them. Getting yelled at, running and getting away was one of the best games. Running in and out lines of washing got you to level 5 in yelling.

Waz, I find it unlikely that I will be going doorbell ringing. But then last time I went to Stonehenge dressed as a sunflower, so you never know.

Why don't you come south and do gardens with us?

Gardens would be good, so would a Hootoo cricket match. Looks like you'll be able to fix dates after December 1st?

Right now things are looking like 28th April. If that holds, then I'll probably fly over on the 26th or 27th. And, I'll be spending my b'day in England. It's a Sunday, and I may try to arrange a party. I've only ever had one b'day party in my life and Lady C threw it for me. I can't remember how old I was, though. 13, maybe? She'll remember. She remembers everything.

Sounds like you're owed a few birthday parties. If the 28th Meet overruns midnight it'll start at the Meet.

Who's the older of you two?

Nope, my b'day is the following week. Lady C is 8 years older than I am. Almost 9 years older.

Hyp, you were 13. We had the party in the yard. There are pictures to prove it! I took them with the camera Lord C. gave me for the previous Christmas. I remember Nancy Leigh and Sis were there, but would have to check the pictures to see who else--probably Joyce Ann and her cousin.

You did better than little brother. He was 35 before he ever got a birthday party. Mother wasn't big on birthday parties. I was 15 when I had my one and only till my 62nd birthday.

Now I just want to celebrate quietly and unobtrusively.

I don't remember her ever baking me a b'day cake. I know I baked the b'day cakes for everyone else. I think it made her mad because I refused to ever bake myself one. I don't think I actually ever had a b'day cake. I had cupcakes a couple of times. She would always come up to me the day before and say something like, "You don't really want a cake do you?" Of course the fact that I even exsisted annoyed her. One year Dad felt bad because she never baked anything for me so he went out and bought me a cake. I refused to eat it - told him I didn't want a pity cake.

By the time F and I were married, I so resented the idea of having a storebought cake that I warned him of exactly what would happen to him if he ever bought me one. I told him if he couldn't be bothered to bake it himself to forget it. Of course the man couldn't make toast. There was no way he was going to bake a cake from scratch.

The first b'day after we were married F bought me one of those small cannister vacs for his car. Bless his heart. He was so proud of himself for thinking of something practical. I was absolutely furious. Told him if he ever bought me anything like that again, I'd divorce him. I guess I made a believer out of him because I always got flowers after that.

Flowers are good. Frank showed very good judgment. Your bro has always been good about giving me flowers. If there is nothing else for my birthday, there are roses. Not necesarily red ones. He likes alternate colors. So do I. He's good--really good.

St. Louis is up............3/2. Love it!