h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* A greasy old man lurches out towards the front counter. You notice that his remaining strands of hair are swept over his cranium disguising nothing, the medallion he wears resembles a car wheel cover and his 11 o’clock shadow really needs the services of a hedge-trimmer to make any real headway. Which is quite a relief really, or otherwise you would be confronted with the bulbous warts which ‘landscape’ his face. His one shot at being a respectable businessman comes in the form of a suit, a Yellow & Maroon Suit, the kind of suit most people would be offended to be buried in, no matter wear around... *

* He leers forward to you... *

If you like to fill out the form, with the same particulars as above. We must also have your full payment up-front...

* He leans over drooling, as you complete the form... *

Who knows, I might even keep you just for my little old self... HEE,HEE,HEE,HEE,HEE !!!!

Scary or what? Arghhhh!

I'd like to sign up.

I'm male, 19, blonde, mildy psychotic, blue eyes, cannabilistic, certified insane and with a TSOF. (twisted sense of humour)

My hobbies include H2G2, rock climbing, torturing small animals, and collecting circular things.

* the greasy old man writes down the details... *

Cor Blimey ! It might take a little bit of 'creativity' to work around your 'alternative' lifestyle, but luckily the girlies just go for young blond guys...!!!

* Looks with keen interest as the deposit is handed over... *

Well, that makes all the difference.

* Fingers the telephone book for the numbers of the better local asylums... *

We will phone when we have something...er, I mean someone just right for you...!!!