h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* This is an opulently furnished room with all the amenities laid on. Well, at least that was intension. Although the furniture aspires to be Georgian, it seems to be the product of some hack craftsmen out of Jordania. The ‘caviar’ is nothing more than big grey hundreds & thousands, the fine cheeses are quiet inedible, due in no small part to the fact they are made of plastic for decorative purposes, and the gigantic chandelier overhead doesn’t go ‘tinkle, tinkle’ like it should when you run your hand along it, mainly because it has been fashioned from cheap perspex...*

* As you start to engage in conversation, you notice the portrait of Napoleon take more than a passing interest in you, which is quite strange, because inanimate objects generally like to keep to themselves. The proprietor comes running into the room... *

Sorry, I forgot to mention we have a peeping-tom, but Tom has assured me he is completely harmless & is just curious...So don’t mind him.