h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ok.. whre is it? ~peers out of a ship window~

[Starman Jones]well this back fired. STGE doesn't want to fight for their club. Those losers just want to eat donuts all day long...

I see...

So, there isn't going to be a battle then?

[Starman Jones] Thats what I'm trying to find out...what a bunch of lazy #$%^ers!

so why dont we just steal thier ship?

(Well, last time I looked before "Rupert", the ship had already been taken over by several copies of "Vlad the Inhaler" and an incredibly evil woman who wanted a drink...)

He's right, you know! What're the chances of that, eh?

i see. and this vlad... is he on our side?

Vlad's not really on *anybody's* side... He's a generic baddie, but he does his evil through manipulation of probabilities. The more effort you put into a plan, and the less that could possibly go wrong with it, the more likely that it will fail in a spectacularly unforeseen way when Vlad's around. Oh, and he has a habit of appearing at random places, by the local molecules spontaneously reforming into a perfect Vlad. This isn't transportation - it's just another copy coming in to spontaneous existence. Not impossible, just very, very unlikely... That's why there are about a dozen or so of "him" in the bar of the Esirpretne at the moment, all of whom have been drinking continuously since pre-"Rupert".

Anyway, he's not the one you should be worrying about - "the Woman" is far nastier... She just hasn't reappeared yet...

[Starman Jones]This #$%^s (*walks over to mini-bar and takes out a ) #$%^ thirsty!(*Drinks and sits back down*)

[Vinny] Ya know, Jonesy ... when the enemy don't show up ... dere comes a time ... when you just gotta simulate 'em on da Holodeck. C'mon.

[They walk down a hallway and up to a Holodeck. Vinny manipulates the controls a bit.]

[Vinny] Okay. I gots the Esirpretne simulated. Now go t'ru dere, an' you can blast up all da Good Guys ya wants.

[Starman Jones] (*very, very drunk*) hehehe...goodguys? I'm not a goodguy! Your a goodguy...(*vomits on the floor*) Ha, ha, ha I'm funny...(*stumbles around*) ha, ha, ha......(*runs into the wall and passes out*)

[Vinny] Good, dat's got rid o' him. Hey, dis is on Deck 10 ... [enters a turbolift] Bridge.

[SFX: Computer chirp. The turbolift starts moving. After a moment, Vinny exits. Pull back to show that this is on a TV, being watched by geeks.]

[First Geek] Hey!

[Second Geek] What?

[First Geek] I just noticed! He said it was on Deck 10, but it was a continuous shot, and both times the turbolift door said he was on Deck 47!

[Third Geek] Hey, I noticed that, too!

OOC:

[Starman Jones]aaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... ah, man...#$%^ me! A #$%^ing hangover... maybe this will help (*Pulls out a , drinks the whole thing in one gulp*).....just want to sleep....#$%^in' hangovers, why don't they make something to make them go away instently...(*Takes another , puts an ice pack on his head*) oh well....... hey, where are all the goodguys? #$%^it! This was a bust! They don't even want to fight us for the #$%^ing club, but yet, they want to stay to eat donuts...what a bunch of p#$%^s. Do you you guys (IRL) want to call this a failer or bring the fight to them? light is too #$%^in' bright...turn it off....(*Takes a swig *)

[Vinny knocks SJ out]

[No.]

[No. Stop that.]