h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or have you extended your leave?

My own holiday preparations got off to a good start yesterday when I went to get my vaccinations. Blood everywhere . Then I had to have the polio drops without a sugar lump...I tell you, this being an adult has its drawbacks. Still, we got home, opened up the map of China and a bottle of Australian chardonay and plotted - mmm that's an enjoyable evening .

You were conned mate! I got a sugar lump and I am the same age as you!

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced this person wasn't a doctor at all. The obvious discrepancies:
(1) He managed to produce a lot of blood for a fairly minor injection
(2) He forgot that I take sugar with my polio vaccine
(3) He didn't give me a lollipop, even though I was a very brave little soldier and didn't cry at all (except when he gave me the bill ).

*Editorial room ROTFL*

Are you sure it wasn't the Wonky Doctor? I got this at the end of an email from him last night:

> PS: I've just made a right mess of a patients arm. Blood everywhere.

It could have been him - is he a middle 30s type with a moustache and a faint smell of rolling tobacco? Also - what is such a person doing in a Dublin doctors surgery when he clearly belongs on the set of a WWII fighter planes type film.

I don't know - I sent him this URL. Perhaps he will turn up and let us know!

Naah, not me - I smell more of camel poo and fresias.

It could be Loaded's Dr. Mick though.

- Adam

Well DJ if you had left it to the last minute like me you could have gone to the BA travel clinic and been pampered by beautiful nurses, received lollipops a plenty _and_ have a nice cup of tea afterwards! Though that could have been cos I always go a bit woozy at the sight of blood, needles.... in fact anything medical at all!

*spots the good Doctor*

I think I need to sit down!

Incidentally I like your Mum's new monicker!

*hurriedly provides comfy chair and cushion for the dizzy Abi*

Don't go to the BA travel clinic - they're our deadly rivals. Come to the Royal Free Travel Clinic and get jabbed by me personally!
*AND* I'll give you a lollipop.

*narrows one eye* Are you calling me dizzy?

Do you rush into each other's waiting rooms and snatch waiting patients, before bundling them into a taxi and rushing back to your respective clinics? Do you have running pitched battles in the streets? And most importantly what flavour lollypop?

Free! - as in not IR£100...which I suppose in Sterling is practically nothing what with the strength of the pound.....

Anyhow - shouldn't one get these things done a couple of weeks before the trip to allow them to become effective before they are tested by these tropical nasties?

Test of your doctor credentials: Alright then Mr. medical doctor type person - (a) why is it that the polio vaccine is taken orally but most others have to be injected? (b) why are the waiting rooms always covered in posters featuring nasty diseases? The walls of the insurance office downstairs are not covered with pictures of car crashes and oil spills.

*excitedly* I think I know the answer to a) - is it cos it is the only one that can survive being in the hostile environment of the stomach?

I don't know - but I don't think it ever got to my stomach, as it was places on my tongue for maximum nastiness of taste (10 on the gherkin scale!)

Well, Polio is a viral disease transmitted by the faeco-oral route. ie You catch it from eating poo.
The vaccine you get on (or not, as the case may be) a sugarlump, is what is called a Live Attenuated Strain. This means that you actually get given a dose of real live poliovirus, via the route it would normally go. The difference is that the strain is useless at causing actual polio. It will trick your immune system into mounting a full response, which renders you more or less immune to further infection.

If you have had a polio vaccination, try and avoid people with weak immune systems (eg HIV +ve people with full blown AIDS, newborn bairns, etc).

As far as the posters go, they're just there to scare the patients

PS:

Free as in Royal Free Hospital - you still have to pay, but we are cheaper.

We don't snatch patients, just run smear campaigns and go for lots of industrial espionage.

Our lollies are cherry flavoured, but I can get sherbet dib-dabs if you'd prefer!

PPS: Madame, I cast no aspersions to your state of dizziness

Sounds like a real doctor to me...congratulations on passing your virtual medical college exam, you can now practice medecine on my home page and any of its dependent forums

can I have Space Dust?

I have a packet of watermelon flavour space dust sitting on top of my fridge, from when I was in the US. I'll email it to you.

Do I get a virtual medical certificate?