h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I heard today that my old boyfriend Bill has died. My first feelings were indifference (I really got hurt and still think I never got over it, rather just blocked it all out and went numb), but contacted where he worked (if he still worked there) and they told me he killed himself.

I knew he'd been on tablets to keep him calm and had been depressed, and last time I bumped into him a few months ago he looked very miserable, but of course I put that down to him not really wanting to chat with an ex-girlfriend.

Poor Bill, and sorry, but worse, poor Beth - his mum must be devastated.

I'm really sorry to hear that Mina. I think I remember you talking about him - if I've got the right person. I'm sorry, poor guy.

I came to the conclusion he wasn't the nicest guy, but I don't think he could help it, he was apparently very OCD as a child.

Thanks Peta.

I have had to deal with death on many occassions, including two self inflicted where I work recently. I have my own coping mechanisms, developed through need, but that does not mean I am unable empathise with people like yourself Mina, I do.

The two at work were while I was on night duties, it was me that found them, had to deal with them practically, and the subsequent investigations. The reports of the ombudsman investigations are recorded and copies sent to the families. I am always careful to majke sure everything I say is dignified and respectable in how I dealt with their relative after such a tradgedy. For those fortunate not to have to deal with such, my advice is family and friends like the person to be remembered, especially for the good times, of which I've no doubt there must have been many.

Yeah, there were good times, and when we split up I did think he needed a friend more than a girlfriend and kept in touch with birthday and xmas cards. Then over a year after we split up he got back in touch having split up with a girlfriend and wanted some 'fun'. So I guess he didn't want a friend after all.

I didn't want to hear he'd died though. He had a lot of good qualities. He was a dog lover for a start.

It is those qualities his friends and family would want to hear about, Mina. The tragic manner of his death is hard enough for all those who knew him to bear. The dead are dead and nothing on earth can change that, it is the living we must give succour to

Thank you, yes, you're right, it's nice to think about his good side. I'll be sending a card in the next day or two, I'll be sure to remember something nice about him, never written a card like that before.

Crikey. Bill who was with you at our wedding reception?

My goodness, what a shock. I remember meeting up with you, Bill and J in Broadstairs and taking photos of you all - and the dogs.

Yeah, that Bill.

Soory to hear that Mina

He was a nice guy. Really sorry to hear about this

Very sorry to hear that, I remember meeting him and enjoyed chatting to him.
Writing cards like that is really difficult, but I'm sure any small note of good memories will be appreciated.

MC

Oh Mina

Mol

Thank you, although my brother thinks he got married earlier this year. His poor wife.

Funeral is on Tuesday - my dad knew him through work and they were in the same darts team for a long time, with my brother as well so they are going. I am hoping to sneak in at the back with them.

It has just hit me.

We're thinking of you hun

Such times always bring the realisation of our own mortality, a reminder life is for living, but well.
Don't be sad at a life lost, but happy memories of a life lived. It is what all his family and friends would appreciate, including you Mina.

'Sorry' just doesn't cut it.

Try to remember the good things about him, and keep those values alive in yourself. That's how I draw comfort when I lose someone important to me.

I attended the funeral of a suicide some years back, not sure if this was the same but there was an undercurrent of anger as well as the grief. Quite surreal.

I didn't meet Bill but I remember you talking about him and how happy you were for a time. I won't offer you hugs or roses or sympathy knowing how you feel about them, but I'm glad you were able to talk about this with the wider hootoo world - I've thought about Bill today when I wouldn't ordinarily have done, and I wish his family some peace of mind and solace. As FM says, sorry doesn't cut it, but I hope you are eventually left with happy memories of Bill.

GB