h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

P.S. UncleBillyOfArreton

Hi mate nice to see you arround

Hi Bob!
In the last week I’ve read your “Intro Page” and I have a picked up a couple of faults, possibly only known to an acquaintance.
1. You state, “I have lived and worked in Kent, Hampshire, Buckinghamshire, Berkshire, Devonshire, and now living in Staffordshire.” Which of those counties does Telford fall in?
2. It’s a shame that the big scrolls run from left to right, because you have to read the message from the end first, up to the start last. It really is stupid. Like hearing the punchline before the joke! It would be fine in China, or Arabic countries, or other places where they read from right to left, but….
3. Best TV programme. What happened to Fawlty Towers? You were always raving about that prog.
4. Your spelling and punctuation still hasn’t improved.
5. Sorry to hear about “Shadow”. I lost “Squeak” after Whitsun w/e last year. My house is not a home… without a Cat.

With that last point in mind, I picked up a few quotes recently, about Cats. Some have authors, some are anonymous. These are the best of them.

The cat could be mans best friend… but would never stoop to admitting it.
Anon
You’re nobody until you’ve been ignored by a cat.
Anon
The world belongs to cats you know, they just let us own them just for show.
Anon
The difference between cats and dogs, is that dogs come when called and cats take a message… and get back to you.
Anon
I think one reason we admire cats, those of us who do, is their proficiency in one-upmanship. They always seem to come out on top, no matter what they are doing or pretend to be doing. Rarely do you see a cat discomfited. They have no conscience, and they never regret. Maybe we secretly envy them.
Barbara Webster
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Anon
If you want the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the cat.
Anon
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Jeff Valdez
Dogs have masters, cats have staff.
Anon
It was soon noticed that whenever there was work to be done, the cat could never be found.
George Orwell “Animal Farm”
Cats are rather delicate and they have many different ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Joseph Wood Krutch
It’s hard to believe, but some people claim their cats are almost human, and they mean it as a compliment.
Anon
No home is complete without the pitter-patter of kittens feet.
Anon
If cats could talk, perhaps we’d find it just as hard to get along with them as we do with people.
Anon
The cat would eat fish, but would not wet her feet.
Proverb- 13thC
Isn’t it wonderful how cats can win friends and influence people without ever reading a book?
Anon
The trouble with cats is that they have got no tact.
P G Woodhouse

I’m sure you’ll appreciate those quotes.

Women are like public toilets. Vacant, engaged, or full of shit!

Sorry for the delay in this e-mail. Portsmouth council have torn out my kitchen and put a new one in. So, I have been spending a lot of time waiting for workmen!

Speak to you again later.
Please pass on my affection to Helen and the boys.

Pete

Good post you OK, see you soon