h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm an American, living in Scotland, who went to Liverpool with a Finn, 2 Germans, and an Irishman for a Juggling convention last month. I only saw Liverpool for a couple of days, mostly in the dark, but here are a few "fresh" impressions:

Churches:
My group was provided a map to get us to the University of Liverpool. On it were a few meaningless landmarks and a cathedral. After wandering around Liverpool (did I mention this was in the dark, in a German car, being driven by a German) we spotted a giant stone tower. "Great," we thought, "that's obviously the Cathedral." We approach the gothic looking thing and find ourselves on at a dead end. We ask a disgruntled looking night watchman where in the name of Jerry Lewis' purple pants the University was. He said we found the wrong cathedral and gave us a set of instructions. We follow the instructions and found the....cathedral? No. It couldn't be. The building was circualar with conical projections spilling out in every direction. It looked everything like a UFO had landed in Liverpool. Hence forth, it was known as the UFO of Worship. This structure alnoe explained the Beatles. The Beatles were either aliens or blessed by Holy Aliens form the UFO of worship to become among the best musicians in history. After all, no Human could come up with "The Walrus," right? And don't tell me my theory is bogus because the Cathedral was built after the Beatles came into being. That's just what the Holy Aliens *want* you to think...

Busses:
If you claim you're a student, the bus fares are really cheap. This may not sound like much, but when you've been living in Aberdeen and have to pay 70p for a 5 minute trip, you appreciate things like this.

The Anti-alien Gun:
There's a cool radio tower mimicing Seatle's space needle in Liverpool. It isn't a radio tower, though. It's proximity to the UFO of Worship suggests it must be a weapon of some sort. The best theories suggest the gun:
a) Was made by the Holy Aliens to prevent Evil aliens from landing or
b) Was made by the citizens of Liverpool to keep more Holy Aliens out.
I point out the Anti-Alien gun because if you keep it in view, you'll never be lost.

Beer:
I'm an American living in Scotland, so I've gotten used to Tennents Lager. Yes. I LIKE Lager. So, when I went to a pub with a few Liverpool University students, I called for a strong lager winthout any clue as to the social repercussions. It seems a beer isn't a "proper" beer unless it is an ale of some sort, and you aren't a "proper" drinker/alcoholic unless you order a round of ale for yourself and your friends. My guess is it combats the psionic eminations from the Holy Aliens.

The "Cavern":
Yes, I was with foreign women who wanted to see a "piece of Beatles history." Erm, okay. So, keeping the Anti-Alien Gun in site, we journeyed to the "Cavern." Not the real one, which doesn't exist anymore. The fake one. The night I went, it was filled with several drunk lassies dressed in black, dancing to music that would make John Lennon puke his brains out in his grave. The Cavern has a few cool photos and a stature of John (I think) on the outside, but it's nothing to write home about.

The Accent:
We've already established that I'm an American living in Aberdeen, Scotland. Most Scottish accents are easy to understand. Still, I had a bit of difficulty with the Liverpool accent, mostly because everything seems to be mumbled. I hate to use stereotypical cliches, but these folks *do* talk exactly like the Beatles (duh!). So, you can immagine what it was like for me to go into a KFC, ask for a few crispy strips, and have Paul ask me if I wanted the super sized menu. It was just....weird.

That's about it.

Thanks for these great comments! We appreciate your input.

Dear Bowling Backwards,

I enjoyed your artice on my home town of Liverpool. Oh, by the way I'm from the north of the city so I sound more like John than Paul, people who come from Garston sound like ringo and the posh ones sound like George.

I just had a quick question, where in America are you from? because I am going to florida in the summer and I am picking up people votes for the best places to go.

Ta ta for now, Hooch

Doh! Sorry I didn't notice this for a while - I'm working on a stupid thesis project on bone disease. I'm from Colorado, which is a happy place 1-2 miles above sea level. It's nice this time of year (better than Scotland, that's for sure!), and the people there are real Americans, not the fake American's you get in Florida. As they say, it's a Mickey Mouse state. If you go to America, the mountians of Colorado (actual mountains, not the pseudo-Dwarf-hills you get in west Scotland) and the canyonlands of Utah are a must. And if you like corn, there's always Nebraska, the state that's uphill both ways

the "giant space ship gun" was origionally a resturant that closed cos having the kitchen up there broke some rules
it lay enpty for years and now radio city fm have it and let fire works off from it a t the end of every MATHEW STREET FESTIVAL a free 3 day music event in the city centre