h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Yes! It's $500 for wrecking the door and $1.000 for decking the guard.'

'No, you fool... the explosive charges.' Bond turns to Joanna, 'Why did we bring him anyway?'

*Suddenly a siren begins to wail and red lights begin flashing in the corridors and rooms. A group of black-clad figures running along a crossing corridor, run past but do not notice JB and the others*

JB: Well, looks like they've noticed we've escaped. Hurry Felix, hand me the Saurkraut.

*Joanna mutters*
He *is* one of yours, afterall...
*snatches the charges from felix's hands and gives them to Bond herself*

*Bond carefully moulds the plastic explosive which Joanna, hannded him onto the control panel and attaches the timer*

How long a fuse should I set?

*Felix considers*
If we want a spectacular escape scene, you should set it for 10 minutes.
*Felix pulls out his Glock and attaches the silencer*
I hear someone coming
*Throws a desk over to provide cover for JB as guards open fire*

*JB sets the fuse for 8 minutes and starts to return fire*

*Bluebottle nabs an uncontaminated doughnut, and then charges in, carrying a very dangerous-looking oak tree, which he hits the guards with.*

*More guards begin to pour into the room from the doorway. One guard radios the command centre to send guards to block the exit on the other side of the room.*

*Joanna, however, shoots first the radio and then the operator before he finishes*

*Bond flicks a switch on a remote control halfing the fuse time*

We must find a way out of here and quickly.

*POV timer 3:15*

There is a fast way out - the same way they get the doughnuts out - but it's a very small squueze!

Everybody Duck!

*JB takes a handgrenade and lobs it down the conveyer belt to the exit from the porcuction line*

Explosion. Dust.

That makes it a bit bigger now. Everybody make a run for it this place is going to blow.

Clock 2:03

*Bluebottle runs and jumps through the hole. It is a very spectacular samersault, as the stunt man was bored at the time...*

*a hulking and clearly deranged henchman is lurking on the other side of the hole; he has spring loaded boots and an unfeasibly grand moustache*

And now, you die.

Bwa ha ha ha haaaaa!

*he lunges towards BB*

*But comes face to face with BBs oak tree which he is carrying as he samersaults.*
CRASH!!!!!
*The guard is knocked backwards, unconcious. His moustache was a wig.*

*the not so unconscious guard springs to his feet, and pulls BB into his evil clutches using the unfeasibly adaptable moustache as a whip*

Bwa ha ha ha

*BB struggles for a second, but to his rescue comes...

*Joanna, who holds her gun to the back of the guard's neck, finger on the trigger*

*The guard panics.*
Please don't hurt me! I'll be a good boy, honest!

*Joanna lets him get a distance away from BB*
*the guard relaxes slightly, remembers himself and reaches into a pocket for something*
*Joanna shoots him*