h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Though I don't know what wagonwheels look like, I can imagine how dreadful it must be to discover that some (.......) has reduced your favourite sweety to half its original size, but there's one solution to that problem: keep eating them, don't make a break, because after the break everything will have changed: Thus, for example, I'm pretty sure I'll keep eating chocolate, so if they really do reduce the size of it, it won't be a shock but merely a soft transition (the shock will be when after some years, it will occur to me that I eat 10 '...' (fill in for yourself) instead of 5

Demand wagonwheels with size directly proportional to your hand...

That's only the 'pychological' solution to the problem... What if you feel the difference AFTER having eaten the wagon wheels? You should ask wagon wheels proportional to your stomach. Now that's not a problem: if L(new) = L(old) * factor, then
V(new) = V(old) * (factor^3) with
L(new): the Length of your hand now (not the surface!)
L(old): the Length of your hand when you were 5 years old
V(new): Volume of your stomach now
V(old): Volume of your stomach when you were five,
'factor' can now be calculated: ask wagon wheels which are (factor^3) times bigger than the ones you used to buy when you were five years old.... Unbelievable!!!
(Thank you, math's teacher)
RYL

All well and good- the only problem being that Wagon Wheels only come in one size- they are a confectionary sold in sealed polythene- you can't just ask for a double size wagon wheel. Alhtough it might be quite amusing to try this one day and see the looks you get.

Anyway- for those of you from places other than Britain, Wagon Wheels are circular biscuits with a marshmallow topping covered in a 'milk chocolate flavoured coating' (marketing speak for 'not really chocolate at all, but actually a much cheaper alternative compound flavoured with chocolate flavouring'. Not sure if you have an equivalent in the US- perhaps Oreos but a bit bigger?