h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

From football365.com who in turn found it from www.twincities.com
Looks like the Americans took that drubbing from the Czechs a little too seriously...

'If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts.

'All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.'

As for 'real' Americans, 'We don't like soccer because we do understand it. And it's awful.

'It's time to quit apologizing and tell the truth. When it comes to soccer, we're right, and the rest of the world is wrong.

'Many spectators in soccer-crazed countries warm up for a big match by hitting their neighbor in the head with a brick. And as soon as little Nigel or Fiona is old enough, mum and dad take them out back and practice squishing them against a chain link fence.

'Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power. Don't you see a connection there?'

Well, I might be able get my hands on a ticket for England vs Sweden, so if you need me I'll be mashing my face into a fence with a brick

Actually, some of the content's not bad, if a little amusing... One American Journo's predictions include:

"Expect France, in a first-round group with South Korea, Switzerland and Togo to score three or four goals per game."

Bless 'em.

I'm strangely disinterested somehow. Yes, I'm keen on knowing what's going on with the games and what have you. But I've found that I'm not really keen on putting in the hours in front of the TV following every move. To date I've partially watched the England game and that's that.

The radio has been on quite a lot, mind you. But then with that you can do something more useful with your time whilst keeping half an ear on the game.

I'm the opposite. With me being between jobs and off Uni, I've seen every minute of every match with the exception of the second half of Tunisia vs Saudi Arabia (missing three goals in the process). I just can't get enough of it for some reason.

I think a lot of it is down to the fact that I'm not used to watching football on television. Domestic football, what there was of it in those days, disappeared off TV and into the realms of Sky over a decade ago. And so I just have no experience in the matter these days.

For me football is either on the radio (ie webcast) or you're there.

Yeah, I don't watch much domestic football being at Leeds every weekend and busy most weeknights so I very rarely see any TV football except if we go down the pub on a Sunday. But the whole novelty of these players I've never seen is too much of a temptation for me to pass up.