h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I hate cologne, and I always have. I think it ("it" as in every scent I've ever had the displeasure of sniffing) smells horrible, and I seriously cannot understand why anyone would be more attractive for wearing it. Of course, I don't go for women wearing perfume (or make up, or hair dye, for that matter) either, so maybe I just don't understand these things.

But here's my problem: My roommate and I live in a dorm room, and anyone who's been in one lately will tell you that they aren't huge. Each morning before going to work he takes his bottle of Tommy Hillfiger and spritzes himself. I don't care if he wants to cover up his stench with another one, what I care about is the fact that our little room does not have the greatest ventilation system known to man. He sprays a "little" on and leaves, while I sit here and suffocate as the fumes fill the room. The one morning htat he did put the junk on and then came back to pick up his keys even he admitted that the fumes were oppressive. But that didn't really stop him. So how do I get him to stop wearing the stuff, or at least to put it on out in the hall, or in the bathroom? Reply quickly, as I'm dying of asphixiation and may not be around to read what you have to say in an hour...

~Irving

Hang it in his sponge-bag outside in the hall.
Put it in his coat pocket and tell him he can't put on the one until he puts on the other.
Get him to give it up for Lent.
If he's doing it to attract sexual partners, organise a petition of whatever sex he's trying to attract saying they all hate it too.

The part about attracting sexual partners is what confuses me most... he's engaged to a girl attending Duke University, which is on the other side of the country! He talks to her every night and obviously has no intentions of cheating. But Lent *IS* coming up, and his *IS* Catholic, so...

I have several ways to solve your problem.

1) Throw the bottle out the window (If you're living in a dorm then he's too poor to replace the stuff)
2) Kill your room mate. That'll sort it for sure.
3) Buy him an even more expensive bottle. He might wear that then.
4) Find out who he fancies, and tell him you found out that she really likes CK Be.
5) *Accidentally* drop the bottle on the floor, and if he insists that you replace it, buy something you like.
5) Kill your room mate.

i had this very same problem once only i was not living in a dorm.. it was my stepson and he seemed to think that the sickening stench he so freely applied to his persons smelled good. i waited until he left the house one day then cleaned house...in the proccess of cleaning house i took it upon myself to put this bottle of stench away for him (hey, i can't help it if he did not think to look under the stairs inside the box marked "junk"). the next day when he went to apply this stench once more and could not find it i played innoccent of any knowledge seems he has not been able to replace it yet so i am able to breathe freely in my house
monsy

To #s 3 and 4, I'd have to say that it doesn't matter *what* cologne he wears (I think he *is* wearing CK something or other) because I just can't stand cologne! Especially not in an inclosed space like a dorm room!

I have no experience at all in this but just remember this. When you're tired in the morning you usually don't check things like cologne to see if they're, well, filled with a high content of acid. Just think about it, sure burning flesh stinks for a while but who's gonna put cologne over bandages.

Tell him its dangerous. On our local TV there was a lad who suffocated himself by spraying too many aerosols in a confined space... he wasn't glue sniffing, but he was tragically unfortunate.

That's terrible!

It was. Terrible in that it was unexpected, too... the kid hadn't obviously been being stupid.

That is terrible. Something like that happened here recently. These three preteen girls were killed in a sort-of flash fire in their garage. I say sort of, because, last I heard, they weren't sure what had happened. But, they think they were huffing gasoline. Of course they were being stupid.

Irving, I think you should take matters into your own hands with your roommate. Confiscate his colonge, and only let him use it in the hall. If he says that it's not fair, because he won't be able to use it when you're not around, tell him that you'll give him another chance to be more considerate and responsible about it. He even said it was bad, but he didn't stop, so you have to make consequences for it.

I used to have a friend in jr. high who did the same thing in the car on the way to school. He even kept the bottle in my parents' car. I don't remember how or if we got him to stop, that was a long time ago.

Well, he's started using it in the hall of his own accord after I mentioned that I'd started an big conversation online about how awful his cologne was. However, he uses it in the hall and then comes back into the room, which has pretty much the same effect. I'm not afraid of flash fires or suffocating as we keep our windows open most of the time (I think there's a petition going on to get them to turn our A/C back on. We got the heat off, but now it just blows air). So thank you for the advice all! This thread's existance was, in the end, enough to get him out of the room while he did it, at least.

~Irving

Dropping it on the floor will only add to the problem.

Pour his cologne out of the bottle and replace with something you can stand, with any luck he won't notice the difference.

So, Irving, have you never heard of talking....T-A-L-K-I-N-G...to a person. So far, it seems, your correspondants would flay poor Stinky with acid-burn; fling the scented bottle out the window, on the floor, in the hall; or remove the offending scent entirely from the premises. Of course, you will recognize immediately that our august audience has suggested you perform variously severe acts of larsony, mayhem, or assault. This should in no way hinder a man persistent enough to post his query on the Internet. Why? Well, my good Washington, the poor devil is obviously trying to delineate territory...and doing a damn good job of it, if you ask me. He's got you on the run, doesn't he. You might simply discuss the problem with him--suggesting in the process that you and he employ an age-old, tried and true method of scent marking by urinating along a territorial boundary. That way neither of you will notice the odor of perfume as it will be wholly superceded by the overpowering odor of male urine. Uuuum. Remember those dark alleys...those deserted elevators! That's something to look forward to, Irving!

Given that it is now over a year since you posted the question you've either leanerd to live with it, found a way of getting the guy to change his perfume and not told us about it or got a new rooming arangement. Which is it?