h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok these last 4 months have been tough for me yet at the same time they have been a period of self evaluation.

To begin with I was distraught that the woman who swore she would love me forever, declared it on a number of occasions as if renewing our vows suddenly told me she no longer did. However, upon reflection I can fully understand why she should come to that conclusion. In a vane attempt to survive in the cicumstances I found myself I think the person that she initially fell in love with and the person that I was was being subconciously repressed and losing his right to expression. In fact looking at the person that I was 4 months ago I actually have difficulty in loving me. I was running and hiding and although not deliberately doing so from her unfortunately that was one of the unfortunate outcomes.

There really were becoming two states in which I was existing at that and the person I loved, the person that I love, wasn't getting enough of the best parts and I was hiding that part of my character from the situations that we found ourselves in to prevent that side getting snuffed out. It wasn't fair to me, to her or to anyone else who was involved. Her family initially got to see the real me and by their reactions I trimmed it trying to fit in, however all I ended up doing was conforming. The parts of me that would have made me ideal material to be a husband to their daughter got lost in the remodelling. As a result sooner or later she too forgot those bits of me that she used to write so eloquently about and I think she must have given up on seeing them again.

Four months of largely lonely evenings brings one's mind to thinking (ok I admit there one full month of electioneering in there). What I'm fighting for when I am fighting for me is to refind that person that could engage and sustain such love, which at one point brought her to make a straight decesion between her family and her love. What was in me at that point that she chose me, that is what I'm looking to find again. It may mean that there have to be sacrifices for me to get there, but get there I will with vital new lessons learnt.

Without the remembrance of such devotion I would not be able to carry on this search, simply because I would not be here. I've been a fool and possibly at the moment am still a fool in a different sense.

Whoever lies in front of me deserves the very best of me, something that has been 100% present for the last few years.

Two roads diverge in a narrow wood, and I,
I took the one less travelled by.