h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

> > Early 00's Vocabulary
> >
> > SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one
> > of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for:
> > Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
> >
> > SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
> >
> > STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in
> > divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
> >
> > STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out
> > and whiny.
> >
> > SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
> > because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
> >
> > TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation
> > from their jobs. Example: "We had three serious students in the
> > class; the rest were just tourists."
> >
> > TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed
> > material.
> >
> > XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
> > workplace.
> >
> > GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for
> > losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of
> > postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
> >
> > ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person
> > in an office or work group.
> >
> > CHIPS AND SALSA - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. i.e.:
> > "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips
> > or your salsa."
> >
> > G.O.O.D. Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people
> > take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as
> > soon as they are solvent again.
> >
> > IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are
> > annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The
> > O.J. trials, Ally McBeal, Monica Lewinsky, etc.
> >
> > DEINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail
> > of a Vice President at a downsizing computer firm: "You have
> > reached the number of a deinstalled vice president. Please dial
> > our main number and ask the operator for assistance. (See also,
> > "Decruitment.") **See also, "Decommissioned"
> >
> > VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required to reach
> > all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the
> > warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously
> > pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the
> > Power On key. Sometimes referred to as the "THREE-FINGERED
> > SALUTE."
> >
> > YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
> > everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a
> > meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food
> > stamps."
> >
> > ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb
> > success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.
> >
> > BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a
> > deadline was missed or a project failed and who is responsible.
> >
> > SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
> > craps over everything and then leaves.
> >
> > SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming
> > upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.
> >
> > CHAINSAW CONSULTANT - An outside expert brought in to reduce the
> > employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
> >
> > CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe
> > ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is
> > within earshot is a huge CLM.
> >
> > ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
> > above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the
> > adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to
> > the problems they were designed to solve.
> >
> > DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived
> > from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip
> > character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the
> > specs for the fourth time this week."
> >
> > FLIGHT RISK - Used to describe employees who are suspected of
> > planning to leave the company or department soon.
> >
> > 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
> > message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document
> > could not be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him ...
> > he's 404, man."
> >
> > GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly
> > the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip
> > malls, subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost in generica
> > that I forgot what city we were in."
> >
> > OHNO-SECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you
> > realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
> >
> > PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of
> > an electronic device to get it to work again.
> >
> > UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed
> > intimate relationship, as in "This is Bridget, my ... um
> > ...friend."
> >
> > BODY NAZIS: Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who
> > look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
> >
> > CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
> >
> > IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea
> > generators running.
> >
> > MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the Couch
> > Potato.
> >
> > PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in
> > a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see
> > what's going on.

It's a good joke, thanks.
Have you considered putting it in a Guide Entry? In any case, thankyou very much for putting it here yet for it to be linked to from the index, it helps if you put it in a guide entry.
Would you like help in learning how to use GuideML? I've noticed that you've done well enough to have a multi-coloured homepage, so probably not. But if you would like help, I'm here to offer it.

Yes, how do I make the joke a guide entry? Or, if you give me an e-mail address I could mail it to you for you to post. Whatever is faster and easier.

To make it a guide entry, you just copy/paste it into a guide entry by clicking on "Add New Guide Entry" at the bottom left of your page, just as you created your "Elian Gonzalez Case" entry. Then you just paste it in there, delete the ">"s, and include
Back To So Long And Thanks For Laughing
at the top and bottom. (If using GuideML)

<BB<

I created the entry, but I messed up the link. Oh well.

I saw that you've done your entry at
http://www.h2g2.com/A309737
So, thanks very much. As for the link - have you done your article in GuideML or text only?
Did you have to put a lot of s or s everywhere?

Guide ML, I think. I am a real blonde you know!

And including the link didn't work? That's strange...
It should if you went to the "Change Guide Type", clicked on "GuideML" and then the "Change Type" option...
Hmmm....
Could you try it again and tell me what happens?

Whoops! Sorry, I used HTML. But I changed the typen to GUIDEML, or TRIED to, and first it complained about the 's which broke up the text. I got rid of those, then it messed up the formatting. I gave up and left it as is. I can't get the formatting to look right with Guide ML, and the link still didn't seem to work. It's probably my fault as I am not familar with GuideML.

Well, if you are feeling brave enough to give it one last go, try putting at the end of each section to break up the definitions, or without the line, and it should look good.
To use tags, you need to have a at the end of each section, ie
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

although

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

works equally well. GuideML is easy once you get the hang of it. I'm sorry to be annoying about this entry, and I do really appreciate you going to so much trouble over it. I just hope you get the hang of GuideML, as the sooner you do, the easier it is to write other articles etc.

Thanks Bluebottle! You are a good teacher!
Now I'm going to watch the hockey playoffs!
(North American NHL pro hockey, that is)

I'm impressed that you managed to have the patience to keep working at this - thanks!
I'll make sure it gets a Special Mention in the Joke Newsletter.
If you ever need any more help with GuideML, let me know. With all things, it's awkward to start with, but as soon as you know what you're doing, the rest becomes easy. I had a lot of trouble when I started with it too, and I still do things wrong, so you're not the only one!

Yes, I am amazingly patient and persisten for a BLONDE CHICK!
And I WILL keep you in mind for GuideML help. I need to learn XML for my job anyways, so I'll use this place as my incentive to learn something similar! Thanks for all of YOUR patience and help. Hope to "see" you around ....

You like emphasising being a "Blonde Chick" a lot - don't you?
Still, thanks again for the joke. If you ever feel you want to contribute more, please do so - I hope you feel confident to, and not put off, by the whole taking ages to sort it out thing here.
I also hope to read more articles on other subjects by you.
See you

<BB<

My, my, my, aren't you observant! Yes, I find that I can use the excuse that I am BLONDE or FROM NEW YORK CITY to get me out of just about any situation! One or the other always works!

As I get more jokes, I'll try to post them and give you a shout if I have trouble. The problem is that most of the jokes that get e-mailed to me are not clean enough to post here!

And with this dumb ILOVEYOU virus going around, my employer is deleting ALL .exe files coming in from out side the firewall in e-mail. That really cuts back on my jokes! Now all I can get are dirty and semi-dirty .jpgs. and animated .gif's!!!

Say, why are you calling yourself Bluebottle? And NO, before you ask, I have not actually read The Hitchhikers Guide. I have been harassed about that before by ACES on this site! And why the Phantom MEN? Men is plural, is there more than one of you?

Whether you'd read the Hitchhikers books or not would make little difference - there isn't a Bluebottle in them, as far as I know.
No, I am "Bluebottle" for 2 main reasons:
1.) I like Blue.
2.) Bluebottle was a character on "The Goon Show", and was played by the great Peter Sellers, one of the greatest comic actors ever known.
As for my name in brackets - it often changes. This week, the "(The Phantom Men) ACE" name is just a play on words, saying that I am an ACE, and also is the title of "Star Wars: Episode One: The Phantom Menace". There is only one of me - honest! Nothing more than a bad joke....

Ha! I just assumed Bluebottle had something to do with the Hitchikers Guide because EVERY time I ask about a name I am
told to go read that book!!! So the first time that I don't
simply ask, I get a non-book answer. How 'bout them apples?!?!


I liked Peter Sellers in all those Pink Panther movies, but I must confess I have never heard of The Goon Show.

Very wity Phantom Menace pun. That movie came out last year here, so that's why it didn't occur to me. I know that movies get released much later in Europe.

I know what you mean about a lot of characters being references to the Guide - but Terry Pratchett seems popular too! At the end of the day it doesn't matter - it's less confusing to not be someone from the guide, as a lot of names are duplicated!
"The Goon Show" was a radio progeramme that ran between 1952-1960, with a special in 1974. It also had Spike Milligan and Harry Secombe, and for the first series, Micheal Bentine. Someone wrote an article about it here:
http://www.h2g2.com/A206399

As for Phantom Menace - it was out here in the cinema last summer, and is also out on video now. Incidently I'm in England, which most definately is NOT part of Europe.

LOL!

yes ... I have heard that England isn't part of Europe. They teach that here as part of the American Revolution!

Do they also teach you how the American Revolution was a great British Victory against the French?